Sometimes people e-mail me and ask about living so far from home. I tell them that for the most part, it’s not too difficult. I talk to my family on the phone. We e-mail. We instant message. Often family gossip reaches me over here before it reaches my sister in Indiana. I tell myself that I have about the same level of contact with them as I did in college. I make-believe that the distance doesn’t matter. But every now and then, things happen that emphasize just how far away I am.
My great-grampa died last night. I’ve been a terrible granddaughter. I didn’t visit him at the nursing home when I was last there. He never got to meet Rodd. And now all I can remember is going to his house when I was little, and sitting on his knee and eating circus peanuts and listening to his stories. And this weekend my whole family will meet to lay him to rest… and I won’t be there. I won’t get to comfort them, and they won’t be here to comfort me. It’s a lonely feeling.
Papaw and I were never that close… but I never realized how far apart we were either.
brigita
February 2, 2002 — 2:39 am
oh kris, i am so sorry for your loss.
rather than beating yourself up over one thing or another, stay focused on your memories of your great-grandpa. i’m sure he is very proud of your independence and adventurous nature. and despite the fact that he never formally met your sweet man, he knows how happy he makes you and how good you are together.
kris, my heart goes out to you and your family. we’re here for you, darlin’. xoxo
Moire
February 2, 2002 — 3:44 am
Kris, I’m very sorry to hear about your great-grandfather’s death. I know it’s hard to lose a family member. We’re all here for you, if you need us.
Tara D.
February 2, 2002 — 5:38 am
Howie, I am very sorry to hear it all. And, I know what you mean about being un-close. I am the only one in my family that lives out of Ohio, and I always feel so out of the loop. Yes, I make it home for the holidays, and relatively frequent visits here and there, but what I have missed most has just been BEING there. When I go home and see my nephews, and they ask why I’m not there- well, I don’t really KNOW, but I know I can’t be there right NOW. Do you know what I mean? I feel for you, you have lived much farther, and I’m sure that can be really hard.
As for losing someone, I understand that no matter close the person was, it can still feel like a big void. Looooorr’ knows I’ve been through a few doozies, and you know what? It’s never over, because you are growin’ and changin’, losing people you love and adding new ones all the time. So, hang in there. And, Brigita is TOTALLY right- adventurous spirit is a HUGE thing to be proud of and love about yourself. Don’t feel even an inkling of shame or guilt for getting out there. Maybe you can arrange a few visits home this year, once or twice to get some Fam time.
Howie, You are great! My condolences to you and yours. We love ya.
Cathleen
February 2, 2002 — 9:35 am
Kris:
I am so sorry to hear about your Great-Grandfather. I know how huge the distance can feel. The good part is that your he is in some ways even closer to you now. I hope you are happy in your new home.
I simply adore your new homepage-it looks great!