As I said earlier this week, my clothing situation is getting fairly dire. Everything’s too big on me. (I know, I know; it’s not like the worst cross to bear in the world.) I simply have to buy some pants to wear to work. Last night Miss Fee – freshly returned from the hells of the Gold Coast – insisted on accompanying me over to Temt in the Mid City Centre to try some on. The experience was rather depressing. I tried on three different pairs of size 14 trousers, and only one came close to fitting. The other two wouldn’t even button, and they made my thighs look like sausages. With that experience still fresh in my mind, I tried to beg off going shopping with Amy today. I told her what happened… and she told me about the magical world of the fashion industry, where clothing sizes are simply made up. MADE UP, I TELL YOU. And Temt is particularly bad, she said. So I submitted. We went into Sussan and I reluctantly pulled on the first of four pairs of size 14 pants… and all four fit me. What’s more – they looked good! They made look tall and slim and my bum was just tiny! It was a REVELATION. I didn’t buy any just yet – I need to figure out exactly what my wardrobe requirements are – but it was such a huge confidence boost to not have to automatically reach for the largest size on the rack. Before we left the Broadway, Amy insisted we go into Sportsgirl. I hate Sportsgirl. I hate their stupid window displays; I hate their promotion of formal shorts; I hate the hippie boho crap they’re still trying to shove down our collective throat. I was sure nothing they had would fit me but I dutifully went into the changing room with a pair of twee olive trousers… and they fit. They were a little small, but they fit. “There you go!” Amy announced. “You are now small enough to shop at Sportsgirl.” I told her my life was now complete.

Seriously, though, getting into a size 14 was one of my original weight loss goals. I wanted to be able to go into any shop in Sydney and find something I could wear. And today, I realized that it’s finally happening. This is a brave new world.

We had a very respectable 2nd place finish tonight, made more remarkable by the fact that there were only two of us. (We were really hoping for 1st to secure the $70 bar tab for Kenya’s birthday this weekend, but we were once again trounced in the second round by our nemeses, the old fat guys.) Here are your questions for the night:

• Name four of the sequels to Planet of the Apes. (We pulled two of these out of our ass.)
• Name three of the six one-word #1 singles for Fleetwood Mac, other than “Rhiannon.”
• Which TV show featured the lyrics: “I’m the unknown stuntman that made Redford such a star”? (My Dad will be proud to know I got that one right.)
• Give the maiden names for Princess Mary of Denmark, Hilary Clinton, and Margaret Thatcher. (Props to Amy for her “assistance” on that last one.)
• Name the five most popular sports in Australia in terms of attendance at the grounds.

We missed out on all four jug questions tonight, I’m ashamed to say. Not a great showing.

As Leanne will be going back to university in a few weeks, it’s fallen to me take on more of the traditional managerial tasks here at the shop (as opposed to just huddling over the website). Last week I learned to do the banking, and this week she’s training me to do the roster. I’m therefore alternating between MWA HA HA! moments of power madness, and whimpering fits of anxiety as I realize that, yes, with great power comes great responsibility. And scheduling shifts for eight people with conflicting requirements makes my heard hurt.