The Snook makes a grab for my tummy…
Me: Hey, don’t grab my schub! I’ve got a total muffin top today.
Him: “Muffin top”?
Me: Muffin top.
Him: Well, everybody loves muffins.

(Link courtesy of the non-muffin-top-sporting Andrew.)

Since Kevin asked, I just checked out the new Charlie the Chocolate Factory TV spot. Hmm. Okay, first the positives: They put back the squirrels! I’m really, really happy about that. I always thought the “geese-laying-golden-eggs” was stupid. And though the boat looked weird to me at first, the shot of it from above with all the Oompa-Loompas at the oars really reminded me of the original Joseph Schindelman illlustration. The bad: As Kevin said, Johnny Depp really does seem to be trying to channel a 13-year-old boy here. I don’t think that’s a good thing. We already had Gene Wilder as the literary-quote-spouting Wonka, and now we’ve got Depp as the let’s-boogie Wonka… neither of which seem very faithful to the book. I’m withholding final judgement til I can see the whole film together.

I finally managed to watch Michael Stipe’s interview on Enough Rope with Andrew Denton from Monday. He was surprisingly personable! The only bit I didn’t like was Denton’s introduction, where he went on and on about how REM didn’t seem like the stereotypical rock gods, like with the groupies and the doing drugs, and that it was so refreshing that they didn’t have any embarrassing scandals… to which everyone watching mentally thought in unison: “Except for that time Peter Buck went psycho on a flight to England.” But anyhoo, my personal highlights:

• Denton asked about the blue stripe, to which Stipe replied, “I don’t think when people go to a concert they want to see the same person they could see walking down the street. It’s just theatrics.” I was totally expecting him to say something much more vague and cosmic and stupid.
• Michael is really sentimental and spends every Christmas with his family. That just seemed like such a nice, normal thing. What a good Southern boy!
• When discussing the way the media can totally misrepresent things you do/say, Stipe mentioned that he was reading an Aussie tabloid story on “Celeb Fatties” on the plane. (Must’ve been NW, as that’s currently on the cover.) He said that of all the people shown, only one was actually fat and the rest were just caught at a bad angle. The fat one was Courtney Love, who he says has put on some pounds since she’s gotten clean and sober. He said she’s doing well and he seemed really happy for her. Denton asked what she’d think about being included in the “Celeb Fatties.” Stipe laughed. “Oh, she’d love it!”
• Denton mentioned that last year REM did the “Vote for Change” tour with several other bands. “What were you hoping to accomplish?” Stipe hesitated for a second, as if pondering the ridiculousness of such an obvious question. “We wanted George Bush the f**k out of the White House, and to vote John Kerry in.” Everyone applauded.
• At one point, Denton mentioned that the band’s been dedicating “Strange Currencies” to Michael Hutchence in all the Australian shows, and then he brought up River Phoenix and Kurt Cobain. He was trying to ask Michael why they all seemed to burn out under the weight of fame, but why hadn’t he? Michael basically said he’d never really thought about that and that it was hard for him to talk about. And then thankfully Denton changed the subject, because it seemed to really depress Michael.
• Apparently Stipe collects random crap like matchbooks and sugar packets and he’s always threatening to put a big scrapbook together. So at the end of the interview, Denton offered him a choice between a few different “Australian” items to remember us by: a cricketer’s cup (as in, the thing that protects his crotch), a crushed VB can, and an actual living funnelweb spider in a plastic terrarium. Michael seemed a bit freaked out by the spider at first, but eventually decided to be brave and pick up the box. “So is this one deadly poisonous?” Yep. “If I opened the lid, it would actually kill me dead?” Yep. “I bet some insurance guy is having a heart attack right about now.” He went with a matchbook.

Note: I totally paraphrased Michael’s statements because I’m too lazy to transcribe from the video.

I don’t want to be all “100% DietBlog!”, but this is a useful list of WW points values for generic foods. The author’s got a couple other lists for restaurants too.

So, I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting tonight. Needless to say, I was a little apprehensive. I kept wondering when we were going to drink the Magic Kool-Aid. The room was full of boxes of WW-branded products and books and videos, but thankfully they didn’t seem to really “push” any of that too hard. I filled out my forms and paid my joining fee, and then I got to step on the dreaded scales. Ouch. I’ve officially got – and I’m just gonna say this – twenty kilos to lose. (I’m not gonna do the conversion for you Americans. My embarrassment does have its limits.) What really pisses me off is that a year ago I was within seven kilos of my goal, and now I’ve got to do it all over again… and this time make it stick. Anyway, back to the meeting. A lot of folks just seemed to check-in, get weighed, and bolt, but a half dozen of us stuck around for the meeting proper. Our leader is an older lady named Emily who was really, really encouraging. She even showed us her “before” photo! And get this – I wasn’t even the chubbiest girl there. (I know it’s shallow, but that was a total relief.) We talked about what our goals are and what sort of concrete changes we can make to achieve them. A couple of the attendees were “lifetime members,” i.e. people who’d achieved their goal weights and were maintaining it. (I felt much more charitable to them after that revelation, as I’d been sitting there wondering why all the skinny beeyotches had come to torment me.) It sounds cheesy, but they really were inspiring and they had some good tips about how to get started. Emily even handed out a couple gold star stickers to people with really good suggestions. I really wanted to think it was lame, but deep, deep down in my heart of hearts, I admit that I desperately want a gold star sticker of my very own. So lame or not, the encouragement is working! Afterwards I headed to the store to stock up on supplies. The hardest part right now is re-hardwiring my brain for shopping. Most of the things we were used to buying on Atkins are now verboten, and lots of stuff that was previously off limits – Potatoes! Honest to Christ, potatoes! – are back on the list. I mostly feel bad because we’re going to be cutting out a lot of the things that the Snook really enjoys: fat meat, fat milk, fat cheese. We’ve arrived at a compromise though, where he can have whatever he wants for lunch as long as he does the low-fat dinner with me. Tonight I made us some pizzas on Lebanese bread (from the Week 1 guidebook). Pretty good! I added up my daily points and I was just under my daily quota. It’ll be even better this week once I implement my first concrete lifestyle change: walking to work every day. Wish me luck!

Knit a representation of two-dimensional space. That’s awesome! I love knitting geometry. (Link via Boring Boring.)

Five years ago today I was sitting at my office in London wondering what the future would hold. My visa was going to run out in two weeks. I had a ticket home and I didn’t know if I’d be back. I had a crush on a guy in my office but the whole situation seemed hopeless. My request for a proper work visa had already been knocked back once. And then, suddenly… Lynn from HR came to tell me that the visa was approved. I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. Everything seemed possible. That night the whole company ended up at our local pub, and hours later I found myself with several co-workers (including the crush) at a dodgy club – The Leopard Lounge in Fulham, since demolished – drinking vodka-Red Bulls by the pitcher and dancing on a platform to bad music. I ended up kissing my crush for the first time on the dance floor. It was one of the best nights of my life.

And five years later, here I am. What happened to the crush? Dear Reader, four months ago I married him. Happy anniversary, Snookums.

I’ve finally put up my photos from this year’s Easter Show, which I attended with some of the girls from the Knitting Guild. As usual, my favorite thing was the junk food. I also took in some precision ute-driving and competitive wood-chopping. How excitement!

I’ll try this again. So… the show was pretty damn awesome. Our seats were shockingly good, six rows back and about ten to the left of center. (We gathered from overheard comments that most of the people around us were also from the fanclub.) The first opener was local band Little Birdie, who sounded good but a little repetitious. Their singer is like the second coming of Joan Jett though, I tell ya! Second was Bright Eyes, which – despite having seven musicians onstage – apparently consists of pretty much just the main singer/songwriter guy. When they came out the Snook leaned over to whisper, “Uh oh. I sense some emo coming!” Later we agreed that it was more “emo-billy.” Musically they were fantastic; I’m downloading some of their stuff right now. I just found some of the lyrics a little too painfully sincere. Is this really what the kids are listening to? Doesn’t anybody do irony or metaphor anymore? Singing earnestly about little black children in crumbling schools – no matter how rockin’ the background music – just makes me squirm a little. But maybe that’s just me. It could be.

Anyhoo, so then REM appeared and it seemed like the guys were in a really good mood. Michael wore a dark blue suit and tie and had the expected smear of blue goo across his eyes and forehead. (That’s him in the exceptionally bad photo I took with the Snook’s mobile, which was the only camera we had on us.) Mike wore an orange shirt and jeans; Peter wore the same loud shirt he’s been wearing since college. They played a great mix of old and new stuff and everybody seemed to be having fun. Michael engaged in more stage banter than I expected and even pulled a roadie up onstage at the end so we could all sing Happy Birthday to him. The show lasted for two hours and they sang twenty-four songs.

REM Setlist for March 31, 2005

1. I Took Your Name – Really set the rockin’ tone for the evening. There were three extra musicians helping out: somebody named Bill playing drums, a guy on keyboards, and a crazy weird guy on guitar that the Snook swore up and down was Billy Connelly in disguise. But it wasn’t.
2. Bad Day – Definite crowd-pleaser and quite a singalong.
3. Wake-Up Bomb – Still with the rockin’.
4. The Outsiders – Michael introduced this song by name from the new album.
5. Maps and Legends – Talk about blowing the dust off an oldie!
6. Electron Blue – Michael said this was his favorite song from the new album and that it was about “a drug made from light.”
7. Electrolite – Michael made a special point of drawing our attention to Mike’s piano playing in this one.
8. Strange Currencies – Michael explained that they rarely play this song live but he felt it was appropriate in Australia because singing it always reminds him of Michael Hutchence. We all spent the rest of the song wondering exactly why.
9. Great Beyond – Another singalong.
10. I’ve Been High – I was so surprised they played this live. I absolutely loved it. Very still, with just Michael onstage singing over the synth line. Everybody just sat down and chilled. I swear you could hear the audible sigh at the end. A nice palate cleanser.
11. Leaving New York – Michael introduced this as a love song set in his second-favourite city. The “I told you I’ll love you forever and ever” part came out a lot more in the live performance and really made the song for me.
12. Orange Crush – He brought out the MEGAPHONE, folks! I stared woo-ing as soon as I saw it. Utterly fantastic. We all loved it. Incidentally, Michael was having difficulty with his shirt sleeves all through the beginning of the show, mostly because he’d worn French cuffs. Eventually he told us that Peter Buck was the first man to ever wear them onstage, but now they were causing him a minor “wardrobe malfunction.” So he ended up rolling them up to his shoulders.
13. I Wanted to be Wrong – Michael introduced these by saying that the guys were all from the U.S. (to some minor boos by the audience) and that these next two songs were written to protest the War in Iraq. That made people cheer. This one wasn’t too bad.
14. Final Straw – I’ve never been a big fan of this song. The Snook sat down and nearly fell asleep during it.
15. Imitation of Life – That’s more like it. Michael invited us to singalong with them on their “first #1 radio single in Japan!”
16. The One I Love – Oddly, the only part of the song I really like is the awesome bridge, the part where everybody in the video is just bouncing around. We all jammed to that bit.
17. Walk Unafraid – Very loud, rockstar version of this one.
18. Losing My Religion – A crowd pleaser but a little boring, I think. It’s just so known. And nobody looks cool playing a mandolin. But the crowd seemed to love it.

So then they disappeared and we all stomped and clapped and cheered. Overhead a screen started displaying the names of all the cities they’d visited on the tour, and eventually it stopped on Sydney and we all went nuts. So they came back out for the encore…

Encore

1. What’s the Frequency, Kenneth? – The high point of the show for me. I love this song. It’s just a big, loud, dumb, fun rock song. I enjoyed watching Michael’s semi-choreographed dance routine, like flapping his wrists each time he sang “shackles of youth.” He actually did a lot of dancing, overall. He still dances like a sexy marionette, shaking his goofy old man hips.
2. Everybody Hurts – Ugh. Why play this live? Ever? So boring. It’s the second most boring REM song of all time, next to…
3. Drive. – Kill me now. I hate this song! I know these two were radio hits, but seeing them live doesn’t really add anything. They’re boring.
4. Animal – I don’t know this one that well, but it’s certainly fun watching Stipey bounce around the stage bellowing “What’s the big deal?” and “Whooooa!” like some sort of rapper.
5. I’m Gonna DJ – Michael revealed that this song was original intended for the last album but it didn’t really fit. He said it was his favorite after “Electron Blue” though. I actually liked it a lot. The lyrics immediately made me think of Max. I also thought it’d be a nice fit for the Hitchhiker’s movie soundtrack. And dude, he namechecks WEBLOGS! How weird is that?
6. Man on the Moon – People were screaming for “End of the World” during every break, but I’m kinda glad they didn’t play it. They’re not performing monkeys, people. I’m sure they get tired of it. This was a great final number though, especially after the mostly disappointing (to me) encore. I just wish he’d do the “Hey, baby!” bit in the Elvis voice instead of yelling it really high. That’s my favorite part.

Anyway, that’s the write-up. They’re doing another show tonight but we’ll give it a miss. I’m just happy that I finally got to see them from a great seat. (My previous REM concert experiences were from way, way far away.)