Ebert has reposted his review of A Christmas Story along with a “Where are they now?” sidebar on the cast. Thankfully Mom sent me a copy of this a few years ago so even though I don’t have TNT, there’ll always be Ralphie at Christmas.

Wednesday afternoon the Snook and I headed out to catch Peter Pan, which I’d been eagerly awaiting. It didn’t disappoint. In a word, this movie is all about sex. Seriously. It’s about thirteen-year-olds figuring out about sex… all in a metaphorical way, of course. In the beginning I thought Peter was pretty annoying – why is he the only American? – but by the end I’m ashamed to admit I was swooning like Germaine Greer at a peewee football game. The joys of the film are not all pedophilic, either; Jason “Lucious Malfoy” Isaacs is villainously yummy as Captain Hook. I liked the many parallels that were drawn throughout the story linking Hook and Mr. Darling, Hook and Peter, and Hook and Tinker Bell. Incidentally, the film’s visuals play much better on the big screen than they did in trailers. I was expecting them to look rather cheap and cartoony but the effect is more like storybook illustrations. Highly recommended, but don’t take any thirteen-year-olds unless you want to hear them giggle the whole time. (Ebert says all this way better than I ever could.)

We’ve actually had Spirited Away for some time now but somehow we never got around to watching it. We should’ve popped it in sooner. It’s excellent. I wouldn’t characterize myself as a big animé fan – and some of the Snook’s favorites put me to sleep – but this was accessible, fun, scary, weird, and funny all at the same time. A little girl and her parents are driving to their new house when they get lost. They discover an abandoned theme park and her father wants to explore. Before long, he and his wife are transformed into giant pigs and their daughter Chihiro must try to rescue them. It doesn’t look how you expect Japanimation to look. I’ve never seen anything like Yubaba or Boh (the giant baby) before. I loved how Chihiro dealt with the River God. The story seemed surreal at first but it was logical and it never cheated. It reminded me a lot of Coraline by Neil Gaiman. We watched it with the English language soundtrack and the characterizations were great. (I’m still patting myself on the back for recognizing Susan Egan’s voice.) Again, very highly recommended.

Gosford Park is another one that we’ve been sitting on for too long. I wouldn’t recommend it unreservedly – I know too many folks that would never enjoy an ensemble English social commentary/comedy/murder mystery – but the Snook and I thought it was pretty good. At first the confusion of characters and plot lines was overwhelming and we spent a lot of time going, “Now which one was Lord Stockbridge?” and “Whose allowance is getting cut off?” But after a while you get the basic outline and things become clearer. We laughed at Ryan Phillipe’s ridiculous Scottish accent but were later forced to mentally apologize. (Sorry, Ryan.) The Snook and I confessed to a mutual and irrational hatred for Kristin Scott Thomas. Bob Balaban, as ever, was hilarious. Once the murder was committed, we had a lot of fun suggesting theories and motives. Neither of us were right in the end (but that’s only because you discount the real killer because of their apparent lack of motive). Oh, and if you’re a fan of Jeremy Northam at all, you must rent this film. He plays an English movie star and there are several lovely passages in the film when he plays the piano and sings. “Please God,” I thought to myself, “let that be Mr. Knightley’s real voice.” It was. Beeeeyoootiful.

And at last we come to it… The Return of the King. First, the good. (And now you’re getting ready to yell at me because if there’s “the good”, then there has to be “the bad”, right? I’m donning my flameproof vest as we speak.) The battle scenes were excellent. I was literally squirming in my seat. The CG characters just had a sense of weight that I never felt in the recent Star Wars movies. The big lumbering creatures actually looked real, and when they hit people you felt it. Sean Astin was wonderful and he deserves to be recognized. The Charge of the Rohirrim was just… awe-inspiring. I gasped in amazement. Okay, and now “the bad.” See, I just didn’t get into it. I didn’t cry (though I got a little moist when Theoden died) and I never really managed to suspend my disbelief. The things that I liked were all technical, but it never engaged my soul. In all honestly this is a problem I have with the book too. Maybe it’s a girl thing. I dunno. I was just never able to work up any real concern over the characters on the screen other than Theoden and Sam (and to be honest, I might not have identified as much with Sam if I didn’t already have such strong character associations with Sean Astin). I was looking forward to Eowyn’s big triumph over the Witch King, but it ended up a little too overly dramatic and “Conan the Barbarian” to be totally satisfying. I was totally bored by Denethor’s stupid dysfunctional family. And what’s up with cutting the whole Eowyn/Faramir relationship? They both disappear til the end. It’s a completely poor resolution to the whole love triangle setup from the second film. (I know, I know. “Wait for the extended edition.” But if that’s the case, then I’m even more annoyed because the Eowyn bits we saw in the film are obviously only there to appease the feminist critics. There’s no interest in resolving her storyline; just a grrrl power moment so they can put a female action figure in the Happy Meals.) Eh, even that rant makes me sound more involved than I actually was. I just kept wishing that Viggo would wash his hair and wondering why Arwen’s decision to become mortal resulted in her lipcolor fading and wishing that there were more Legolas close-ups and congratulating myself on lasting through yet another battle without needing to pee. I never got past that. Even now, writing about these four films, the one that lingers with me the most is Spirited Away. Maybe that says more about me than it does about the films…

In case you can’t tell from CouchCam, we’ve again borrowed a projector from work so our living room is reversed. Tonight we used this impressive setup of thousands of dollars worth of technology… to watch World Idol, of course. Why should the eleven judges have all the fun?

Commentary from our house…

Alex from Poland:
Kris: Bad song choice. She really should have gone for the crazy foreign girl Kylie/Shakira angle. Plus, hello? She has braces.
Snook: I thought she was very cute and she should have done a pop number. That’s what she did in the clip package and it looked like that suited her much better.

Alexander from Germany:
Snook: Lame!
Kris: I lived in Germany, and that, sir, is German pop music. He looks like an aerobics instructor.

Diana from Pan Arabia (or whatever):
Snook: That was just a bit bizarre. I’m sure she should be very popular in Iran. Or probably not, since she didn’t wear a thing on her head. The newly liberated people of Iraq will find her uplifting, I’m sure.
Kris: I liked her. I don’t know what she was singing about, but I respect the hell out of her for not giving in to the Western Diva Impulse.

Guy from Australia:
Kris: I really liked that arrangement. I wonder if he’s cashing in on all the Dulux song popularity? 🙂
Snook: Yeeeeeah, I like it. I think he sounds good.

Heinz from South Africa:
Snook: Just looked like your average, full-of-himself South African. You ever seen a South African? They grin too much. They’re like, “Hey, look at me!”
Kris: He’s super cute though. To me he looked like Josh Charles as Knox Overstreet in Dead Poets Society. Definitely Tiger Beat material.

Jamai from the Netherlands:
Kris: He should be in an adventure movie, and his name would be “Tech”, and he’d be the computer nerd.
Snook: I agree with the judges. He was a bit forgettable. Not bad, just…

Kelly from USA:
Snook: Uchhhh! I hated… Terrible outfit.
Kris: Speaking of the Diva Impulse… Seriously. It’s like she went shopping with Celine Dion. Very polished performance, but I totally agree with the Canadian guy that she gets a little ragged when she shouts too much.

Kurt from Norway:
Snook: He’s got a gap you could drive a bus through! He was pretty good though. He gets the vote from us hobbitses.
Kris: Awww, I liked him. He sang like Bono without being as pretentious or ass-like as Bono. If he only lost fifteen pounds and got his teeth capped…

Peter from Belgium:
Snook: Yeah! Rockin’! Belgian beer is good.
Kris: He kicked ass. I haven’t seen anybody head bang like that in ten years. He really needs to be fronting a rock band. I’d go see him.

Ryan from Canada:
Kris: I find him ridiculously attractive in a nerdy way. He’s like Elvis Costello crossed with Buddy Holly. I like the suit, I like the glasses, I like the sideburns, I like the song. I’m givin’ him a vote. He kinda reminds me of the guy from Tripod too.
Snook: Samson and Sharkey song! I’m SMSing Major. (In Canadian accent) He ain’t heavy, eh? He was interesting.

Will from the UK:
Snook: That sucked. That was offensive. Jim Morrison is rolling over in his drug-addled grave.
Kris: He’s so weird! He just stood there… and his mannerisms… and his bad, bad mullet… Can this be the same country that produced Robbie Williams?

Final thoughts:
We both thought the Polish judge was smoking major crack but he redeemed himself with his invitation to Guy to drink vodka together. Dicko was awesome and didn’t embarrass us at all. He gave great criticism and even made a few good jokes. (Thank God Holden didn’t go.) Were there, like, four British judges on the panel? Dicko, the UK guy, Simon, and we thought maybe the Belgian judge was English too (judging by the accent). That’s a little unfair… but I guess it’s not like they were going to send Paula Abdul in Simon’s place. Simon was an ass though and his comments to Kurt about there being a lot of ugly contestants (though ostensibly true) was just about the most backhanded “compliment” I’ve ever heard in my life. At least he wasn’t too rude to Guy. GO THE FRO!

At long last I can reveal that the surprise sock monkey I made earlier this month was commissioned by Matt of Scrubbles for his partner Christopher. They sent me this cute picture of their two sock monkeys reunited along with their kitty Eames. (Incidentally, Eames is the main character in a children’s book that the two of them wrote together. Christopher and Matt, that is. Not the monkeys.)

Oh, and by the way? I’m loving that quilt. Hmmm, perhaps my quilting energy is returning…

Only one hour to go til Return of the King. I think we’re prepared. We’ve eaten Krispy Kremes for long-sustaining energy and we’ve stayed away from excessive liquids (and caffeine). I’ll have a long post about it – and the other four movies we’ve watched so far this break – later today…

Merry Christmas, everybody! Unlike many other slack-ass bloggers, I will not be “taking a break” away from the Internet to celebrate. It helps, of course, that my family are all thousands of miles away and it’s way too hot to make a turkey, but there you go. At any rate, you may expect new posts on web-goddess throughout the holiday season. Call it a gift from me to you…

I’ve been trying to find a selfless Christmas good deed and I feel a little like Phoebe (in the one where she hates PBS). I decided to make a sock monkey for Dean’s little girl. He tried to pay me for it today but I turned him down. I felt pretty good about helping give a three-year-old a good Christmas. But then tonight, he called me out of the blue as the Snook and I were eating dinner. Turns out he was right around the block and wanted “to give me something”. He showed up five minutes later with a mixed dozen of Krispy Kremes! I was floored; there are only, like, two outlets in Sydney and they’re nowhere near here so he must’ve made a special trip to deliver them. I’ve never even had one before! It was such a sweet gesture. But dammit, now I need to find a new selfless good deed, and tomorrow’s Christmas!

Hmmm, the US is reporting its first case of mad cow disease. I wonder if this means that they’ll eventually drop the restrictions on donating blood for people who’ve lived in the UK…?

Gendered Gift-Giving
My boss got everybody in our department gifts today. That’s nice. All the boys got bottles of booze and I got a designer sushi plate. That’s not so nice. I mean, the plate itself is pretty and I’ll put candles on it or something, but why the disparity? After a year, does he really know me so little as to think I’d appreciate homewares over a bottle of champagne? He might as well have given the guys Hot Wheels cars and the girls Barbies. I guess I should count myself lucky; it could’ve been worse. I think I saw the girl in the next cubicle opening a shower set.

As it’s still December 23 in most of the world, HAPPY FESTIVUS!