Attention Sydneysiders! The brand-new Quizno’s at World Square is having its Grand Opening this Friday, and they’re giving away FREE SUBS between 11-2! I’ve never had a Quizno’s sub before; they seem to have come to national prominence in the States well after I left. (Didn’t they do some really wacky commercials, like with monkeys or something?) Anyway, I was tempted not to post this lest you all show up and eat all the FREE SUBS before I get there, but my magnanimous nature won out…

I’m tempted to get the Snook a Utilikilt just so I could wear it… (Link courtesy of Jeff.)

This history of ranch dressing is missing a sentence or two:

In 1997, Chicago-native Kelly McMahon started a new trend and simultaneously nearly bankrupted the Chili’s franchise in South Bend, Indiana: She requested ranch dressing with her complimentary nacho chips. Friends who sampled this concoction realized it was so good that there was no need to actually order real food. The idea caught on like wildfire with the rest of the Notre Dame student body and continues to this day.

(Link courtesy of Max, who is also a Certifiable Ranch Fiend.)

I was just happily working away on the website when the office phone rang. “I need you to COME UPSTAIRS NOW!” said Rae. I sprang to my feet. Usually this means that someone dodgy is in the store and the girls are worried we’re going to get robbed. I grabbed Albert and we sprinted up the stairs. I was halfway to the counter when I came to a screeching halt. There, coming to meet me with her hand extended and a smile on her face, was PARKER POSEY. That’s why they called me up! So I got to meet her and her handler Ray and they were both totally friendly and nice. We talked about donuts and tapestries and Mexican food and felting. The funny thing is, she looked so totally normal that I might not have recognized her on my own. (Except for her voice; I’d know her voice anywhere.) So just like that, ParkerWatch came to a successful conclusion. I just hope I have my mobile on me next time she pops in…

Oh good grief. CouchCam caught me mid-cough. Now that‘s attractive.

Okay, once you’ve looked at my Gleewarts photos, now you can look at other people’s. I clicked through hundreds of photos to find the few that featured our group: Amy sleeping. Me with Hedwig. Me and the Snook. Fire dancing hippies. (Look for us between the red and yellow flags.) Sirius the Insane. Sirius drinking Ribena. (I nearly snorted Diet Coke out my nose when I clicked on that last one.) Madam Pince and Sirius. And lastly, I don’t even know this kid and I never saw him on the trip, but this is the BEST PICTURE EVER. Just the thought that all the fuss and work that went into the trip could make this kid happy MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT.

At long last, my Gleewarts Express photos are now online! Laugh with delight as wizards and witches gather before you. Tremble in suspense as the Snook grapples with live snakes. Wee in your pants at the sight of a Marauding Mancho. Go on, I dare you.

A few days ago I read this editorial at the Sun-Times about Dove’s new advertising campaign in the US. As they don’t seem to have launched the campaign in Oz, I’d heard nothing about it. Apparently they’re using “real women” instead of emaciated model types. Based on the comments Wendy mentioned in her article, I assumed that these were really big, like, obese women; still pretty but obviously a long way from traditional models. Today I took a look at the actual site. What the hell? Those women are gorgeous! They all look fit and strong and curvy and not flabby at all! (Which is good, since they’re selling firming cream, and I now want to get some.) I just can’t believe that big-name journalists like Richard Roeper would go on the record as objecting to these women. “If I want to see plump gals baring too much skin,” said Roeper, “I’ll go to Taste of Chicago.” Nice one, Dick. If I looked like these women, I’d feel like the Supreme Sexy Goddess of the World. (Maybe I do and I just can’t see it?)

This past weekend Amy and I finally got off our asses and decided to prepare our entry for the Knitty 2006 Calendar Contest. The idea is that you send in a photograph of yourself wearing an item from Knitty. We figured that the two of us in our matching Cheesylove vests in an iconic Sydney location like the Opera House would be a shoo-in to win. Right? Right. So having secured a photographer, we headed down to the Quay near sunset to best capture our amazing hotness. (My complaint that I don’t get off the couch for less than $10K a day fell on deaf ears.) We get to submit three for the contest…

Unleash your inner Jackson Pollack. How cool is that? Took me a few seconds to figure out what to do. (Link courtesy of Zesmerelda.)