Ooh, just in time for Mother’s Day! Get Mom a haunted paintbrush!

That’s insane. Props to Tara D for finding it.

Pop Quiz: In the past week, the Snook and I have bought two new devices for our apartment. These devices were named “Stickmaster” and “Thrustmaster” respectively. Can you guess what they actually were? (Get your mind out of the gutter. They’re not dirty!)

Sophie Dahl is trying to follow in her grandfather’s footsteps by penning a children’s book. Hmmm, I wonder how they’ll work “nude Yvs St. Laurent model” and “Mick Jagger’s crumpet-o-the-month” into the jacket blurb.

We tried trivia at a different pub tonight. Despite a valiant effort (and my successfully remembering the names of all five actors who played hobbits in Fellowship of the Ring, thank you very much), we lost.

“He bit my balls!” Duuuude. An Aussie Rules Football player was suspended for ten games after pleading guilty to biting another player’s testicles during a match. That article is hilarious.

Tales From the Gym
I headed back to the gym today after about a week off. I know, I know. I’m a slacker. I’ve been blaming it on my allergies, which (in my defense) have been really bad. Anyway, Snookums finally kicked my ass out the door today for another round of physical misery.

• My nemesis was on the treadmill when I entered. She’s this tiny tiny girl with seventh-grade hair. I mean, she has hair that I would’ve killed for in seventh grade: long red spiral hair pulled back in a barrette, complete with pouffy bangs. I hate her. And get this – she doesn’t put it up in a ponytail or anything! She just leaves it down. What’s worse, she does nothing but run. She runs for, like, hours, in this ridiculously flouncy fashion, as if she weighed nothing at all but just liked to see her masses of hair bounce. Can you tell I’m gritting my teeth just thinking about her?
• Another big irrition: inappropriate male fashion choices. Today’s victim apparently thought he was Craig David or something. He was wearing orange 3/4-length pants, a tight black shirt, and an orange knit cap. Like, the kind you wear skiing. At the friggin’ gym. Whatever.
• The new attendant is really friendly. Too friendly. He started talking to me while I was working on the inner thigh machine. *shudder*

I’m slowly realizing that the money I spent on the gym membership might have been put to better use towards a treadmill for home. Other people annoy me too much.

If you fly frequently (or you have to take really long flights, like me), you might want to print out this page. It lists all the particular rows and seats on various airplanes that have more leg room than the other coach seats. Very helpful for tall girls like me.

New Poll: What’s your verdict on ol’ Spook Tooth? You know, I honestly don’t know where I got that phrase from. I think it’s one of my sister’s. At any rate, I’m referring to “Jewel”, the singer-songwriter-poet (and crappy horse rider). As my college roommates can attest, I’ve had an irrational hatred of her for many years now. Am I the only one?

Let me see if I get this straight: Jewel (the singer) had to cancel several performances because she got thrown off a horse and broke her collarbone. She was going to debut her new single, “Break Me”. Seriously. I think she just did it for the publicity. 🙂

That reminds me of Clem Snide, the band that opened for Ben Folds last week. We only caught the end of their set, but we liked what we heard. My favorite part was the singer’s introduction to “Moment in the Sun”. He claimed that he was trying to channel Jewel through the song, “during that living-in-a-van phase”. I laughed and laughed. I’ve never been a big Jewel fan. The spook tooth scares me.

Holeee crap. Have you checked out my Recent Search Requests page lately? Katrina got evicted last night, and I’m #5 with a bullet on Google’s results list. Great. I don’t have any porn, people!