When I was 15, I read The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley. I absolutely loved it. It was a fantasy with a princess and a dragon and magicians and secrets and I wished more than anything that I had written it. So I spent, like, a week plotting my own fantasy and inventing characters. There was a princess… and a dragon… and some magicians… You see where this is going. Eventually I realized that all I was doing was rewriting McKinley with different names. It wasn’t original and it wasn’t interesting. I decided imitation wasn’t the sincerest form of flattery and gave up the effort.

Christopher Paolini didn’t. He’s a weird home-schooled teenager “genius” who’s written this year’s pseudo-Harry Potter book of choice (according to the publishing industry, anyway). It’s called Eragon. It’s been getting a fair bit of hype so I picked up a copy last weekend. I regretted it as soon as I got home. There’s a gushing quote from Anne McCaffrey on the back! (I’ve never been able to get through a single Dragonriders of Pern book so her recommendation doesn’t exactly carry a lot of weight with me.)

It only got worse once I cracked it open. The first problem is the kid’s writing style. You can read some for yourself here. He actually says: “In my writing, I strive for a lyrical beauty somewhere between Tolkien at his best and Seamus Heaney’s translation of Beowulf.” *snort* In practice, as far as I can tell this involves using lots of adjectives. Mountains are “forbiddingly solemn”, forests are “thickly treacherous”, and the danger is always “intensely palpable”. Once you get past the affected style, the story itself isn’t that bad… as long as you don’t mind rolling your eyes at the obvious influences. It’s like he put the Pern books, a complete set of Lord of the Rings, a dog-eared copy of Beowulf, and the shooting script of Star Wars into a blender and this is what popped out. He even prefaces the book with a map that might as well be Middle Earth. The story is full of elves, monsters, dwarves, men, dragons, men who ride dragons, etc. There’s no humour and no originality, other than in the combining of all these things. I keep waiting for hobbits to show up.

Am I being too harsh? I’m only halfway through, so maybe it gets better towards the end. Right now I’m just plugging along out of curiosity and duty. I dunno, maybe I’m just jealous that nobody ever offered to publish my derivative crap. At any rate, I can’t exactly recommend this one to the Potter fans yet.

I stopped in at Galaxy Books tonight to pick up the last Ender book (and indulge in a little self-affirmation*) when I was stopped in my tracks by a large display rack of Stephen King’s latest Dark Tower tome, The Wolves of Calla. I didn’t know this was out yet! I haven’t even had a chance to re-read Wizard and Glass! I couldn’t resist getting it though. I carried my Card and my King up to the checkout and was happily informed that they were throwing in a free copy of the new revised version of The Gunslinger. Sweet! But I wasn’t through yet… As I was paying I noticed a poster for Philip Pullman’s Lyra’s Oxford, which just came out. All right, add that to the pile. My one book ended up becoming four. Ouch. And yay!

Oh, and get this: I picked up a flyer for the next “Friends of Science Fiction” conference and guess who’s going to be attending? Corin Nemec. Yeah, baby! It’s Parker friggin’ Lewis himself. Apparently he’s in “Stargate SG-1” or something; hence the Sci-Fi connection. You know, I wouldn’t mind meeting Harold Lauder, but I’m sure as heck not going to pay $80 for the privilege. Sheesh.

* If you’re ever in need of a self-esteem boost – and you’re female – just head into the nearest fantasy bookshop and peruse the Orson Scott Card section. The geek boys will be drawn to you like moths to a lightbulb. It’s kinda fun.

The Dewey Decimal System classification number for numerology is 133.335. If you reverse that and add them together…

133.335 + 533.331 = 666.666!

The sign of the beast! Repeated! The math book I was reading thought it was pretty interesting, anyway.

Saturday the Snook and I were strolling through Newtown when we saw this book in a local shop window: Gordon’s Got a Snookie! How cute is that? We went in and read it. It’s a picture book about the new male gorilla at the zoo, whose arrival has all the other animals excited. When they see he has a snookie (a security blanket) though, they laugh at him and make fun of him. He ends up all by himself hugging his snookie (because a snookie is something you hug when you’re all alone and you want your mommy). But then one day the baby gorilla falls in the water and Gordon uses his snookie to save him. All the animals think he’s a hero and he gives them all pieces of the snookie. Isn’t that sweet? I’m glad I have a Snookie. 🙂