“Hey Mum! I’ve got good news! I got an acting job in a historical drama on Channel 4! Well… I’m playing a syphilitic Hackney whore being impassively tupped by a boil-faced plague-pit digger in the desperate belief that my pox will cure his plague.” That is some funny stuff.

Damien Hirst, “master of the modern British art scene”, had a launch party recently for his new work. At the party he arranged some of the rubbish — beer bottles, ash trays, candy wrappers — into an impromptu art installation. The next morning the gallery janitor arrived and promptly threw it all into the garbage. Ha! The gallery had a cow, of course, and workers had to dig through the trash to reclaim everything and rebuild the “artwork” from photographs. Hirst apparently found the whole debacle quite funny.

Personally, I just love the way the British press crow about this stuff. “Cool Britannia” was a great marketing slogan, but the reality over here is quite different. Sure, Londoners are pretty modern about most things, but there are certain topics guaranteed to bring out the conservative side in most Brits: joining the Euro and scrapping the pound, laws the force the use of the metric system, genetically modified foods, and modern art and architecture. Of course, having seen the Lloyds of London building up close and personal, I’ve got to agree with them on the last one…

Whoa! Just mooching around on MetaFilter and found an interesting optical illusion. My sister was making fun of me rocking back and forth in front of my computer until I made her look for herself. It’s pretty cool.

I know it’s early, but I’m gonna go ahead and declare Meg the winner of today’s round of “Amuse the Unemployed Girl” with her fabulous link, Worm. An incredibly simple game, yet totally addictive as well. My top score’s 1539… How far can you go?

“Vampire slayer Buffy enters Australian politics.” That is awesome. I hope we manage to get there before the election next month (doubtful)… I wanna see this chick! (Link courtesy of Sparky.)

Update: Snookums informs me that anybody that would likely be swayed by her “Buffy” affiliation would probably vote for her anyway, because “she’s a honey.” Uh-huh.

Job tips from The Onion. Just what I need. I especially like this one: “Post your résumé online. This will give it an air of authority and legitimacy that only the Internet can confer.” D’oh!

As if I needed more reason to get the hell out of London… It appears that my neighborhood stands in an active floodplain, has a history of past industrial use, has high pollution levels for everything from nitrogen dioxide to freakin’ lead, and quite likely suffers from industrial pollution as well. Just peachy. (Link courtesy of Swish Cottage.)