Thank God. We’re finally going to get some decent weather in this blasted country. We haven’t had a day where the weather stayed constant yet this Spring. I learned my lesson after the first sunny morning in April, when I left the house in capri pants and sandals and then ended up freezing my bum off when the sky turned dark and the rain came four hours later. “Earlier this week, psychologists warned that the unremitting gloom is affecting the national psyche, dampening our spirits.” That is the understatement of the year.

It appears that the BBC’s website got hacked and a fake news story was inserted about the death of one of the Hear’Say singers. The story itself was entirely made up (she’s not dead; she’s on holiday), but I think the part about the “sex video” is actually true. (True in the sense that all the tabloids reported it a few weeks ago, anyway.) The part that cracked me up, though, is: “The sex video referred to consists of Suzanne stripping off in a Bolton hotel room for a man connected with pop group Right Said Fred.” Weren’t Right Said Fred, uh, gay? My gaydar is notoriously bad, so I might be wrong on this, but I feel like the consensus was that they were. Or maybe I’m just confused because they were camp. Anybody wanna help me out here? (Huh? The official RSF site is hosted at geocities???)

Dan pointed to an interesting bit of software called Janebuilder, which apparently is a “visual editor for PHP”. I like the idea, but the implementation looks rather… cutesy. You drag and drop the little “Auto-Janes” and it generates all the SQL and PHP and HTML for you, so you don’t have to worry your pretty little head about such boring things. I showed it to Snookums and he asked, “Is that ‘programming for girls’?” I sighed and replied, “I think it’s supposed to be.” It’s not that I think it’s a bad idea for an application, but I resent the way they’re marketing it. That’s the sort of thing that makes me want to go back to coding all my stuff in pico just to prove a point.

I haven’t mentioned them yet… but I do want one, of course.

Ever wonder what eToy (that European Internet artists group) thought of the demise of eToys (the online toy shop)? Well, they’ve finally put a statement up on their site. It’s pretty sarcastic. They even offer the eToys founder a place on their board. Heh.

So I get this e-mail, right, from some woman saying that she visited web-goddess and “noticed” that I wasn’t registered on very many search engines. And if I wanted, I could pay her company to list me on 300,000 directories. Uh-huh. So I sent her a snooty e-mail back, saying that if she had, in fact, visited my site, she would’ve seen that it’s a personal site and I could care less about advertising myself. I also sarcastically thanked her for the spam. I BCCed Snookums on the message to get his response. He said:

snookums: Your e-mail is very polite. I’d probably put something like: “I’d love to buy your product. In fact I have a purchase order, if I can just remember where it is. Spammer’s purchase order…. Spammer’s purchase order…. Oh! I remember. I shoved it up my ass. I wrote it out and shoved it right up my ass, therefore ruining any chance you had of selling me your lame services.”

I’m still laughing. If you don’t immediately get the reference, it’s from the “Jesus vs. Satan” episode of “South Park” where Cartman is explaining why he didn’t invite Pip to his birthday party.

Whoa! According to my server logs, I had a visitor from the Naturist UK FactFile website. Hello, nude people! (For the record I’m not a nudist, but I do like their jaunty slogan: “Take off your clothes and live!“)

This article about Niki Taylor’s accident is confusing. It says she’s in critical condition, then flashbacks to the accident and reports that she wasn’t thrown from the car and everybody thought she was unhurt. But it never mentions how she went from “stomach pains” to “critical condition.” There’s just this odd hole in the story where you feel like it should go.
 
You’re probably wondering why I even care about some injured supermodel. It’s quite simple, really. Niki Taylor reminds me of the Golden Age of “Sassy.” Yes, “Sassy” Magazine. I seem to remember them doing a story about the death of her sister and that’s when I became aware of her. I was a devoted reader for many years, back when it was cool and intelligent and every article wasn’t about boys or clothes. Unfortunately as we faithful subscribers know, in 1994 “Sassy” was taken over by the pod people of Petersen Publications, who turned it into yet another YM/Seventeen/Tiger Beat clone. If you too mourn the old “Sassy”, you’re in luck. I managed to find a wonderful memorial page with links about the takeover and why the old version was so cool, an exhaustive “Sassy” archive with loads of old stories, and snarly.com, the personal site of old-school “Sassy” writer Marjorie Ingall.
 
(Could I have used “sassy” one more time? It reminds me of that old skit on “Saturday Night Live” where Phil Hartman played the magazine’s senior editor and would say everything was “sassy-licious”. You can hear some of these sound clips here. Remember when he interviewed Christian Slater as the “Sassiest Guy in America”?)
 
Boy, I’m really going off on some tangents today.

John, I can’t thank you enough for “10 Reasons Why Jamie Oliver Is So My Bitch”. My three (male) housemates are going to be hearing this stuff for a while now. (I know before I said he was starting to annoy me, but that’s before I realized the brilliance of Reason #8: “Men hate him. It is fun to fancy someone the opposite sex hate.” Ha!)

*Kris jumps on yet another meme bandwagon*
 
So everybody’s lookin’ up their Oz Prison Bitch Name, right? Go on, try it out. Mine’s the worst. I don’t even wanna reprint it here, for fear my mom’ll see it and freak. Okay, okay… I’ll censor it a bit: “Keller’s F**k Boy”. I ask you, what the heck does that mean? Who is Keller, and why does he refer to me (obviously a girl) as a boy?