So I get this e-mail, right, from some woman saying that she visited web-goddess and “noticed” that I wasn’t registered on very many search engines. And if I wanted, I could pay her company to list me on 300,000 directories. Uh-huh. So I sent her a snooty e-mail back, saying that if she had, in fact, visited my site, she would’ve seen that it’s a personal site and I could care less about advertising myself. I also sarcastically thanked her for the spam. I BCCed Snookums on the message to get his response. He said:

snookums: Your e-mail is very polite. I’d probably put something like: “I’d love to buy your product. In fact I have a purchase order, if I can just remember where it is. Spammer’s purchase order…. Spammer’s purchase order…. Oh! I remember. I shoved it up my ass. I wrote it out and shoved it right up my ass, therefore ruining any chance you had of selling me your lame services.”

I’m still laughing. If you don’t immediately get the reference, it’s from the “Jesus vs. Satan” episode of “South Park” where Cartman is explaining why he didn’t invite Pip to his birthday party.

Whoa! According to my server logs, I had a visitor from the Naturist UK FactFile website. Hello, nude people! (For the record I’m not a nudist, but I do like their jaunty slogan: “Take off your clothes and live!“)

This article about Niki Taylor’s accident is confusing. It says she’s in critical condition, then flashbacks to the accident and reports that she wasn’t thrown from the car and everybody thought she was unhurt. But it never mentions how she went from “stomach pains” to “critical condition.” There’s just this odd hole in the story where you feel like it should go.
 
You’re probably wondering why I even care about some injured supermodel. It’s quite simple, really. Niki Taylor reminds me of the Golden Age of “Sassy.” Yes, “Sassy” Magazine. I seem to remember them doing a story about the death of her sister and that’s when I became aware of her. I was a devoted reader for many years, back when it was cool and intelligent and every article wasn’t about boys or clothes. Unfortunately as we faithful subscribers know, in 1994 “Sassy” was taken over by the pod people of Petersen Publications, who turned it into yet another YM/Seventeen/Tiger Beat clone. If you too mourn the old “Sassy”, you’re in luck. I managed to find a wonderful memorial page with links about the takeover and why the old version was so cool, an exhaustive “Sassy” archive with loads of old stories, and snarly.com, the personal site of old-school “Sassy” writer Marjorie Ingall.
 
(Could I have used “sassy” one more time? It reminds me of that old skit on “Saturday Night Live” where Phil Hartman played the magazine’s senior editor and would say everything was “sassy-licious”. You can hear some of these sound clips here. Remember when he interviewed Christian Slater as the “Sassiest Guy in America”?)
 
Boy, I’m really going off on some tangents today.

John, I can’t thank you enough for “10 Reasons Why Jamie Oliver Is So My Bitch”. My three (male) housemates are going to be hearing this stuff for a while now. (I know before I said he was starting to annoy me, but that’s before I realized the brilliance of Reason #8: “Men hate him. It is fun to fancy someone the opposite sex hate.” Ha!)

*Kris jumps on yet another meme bandwagon*
 
So everybody’s lookin’ up their Oz Prison Bitch Name, right? Go on, try it out. Mine’s the worst. I don’t even wanna reprint it here, for fear my mom’ll see it and freak. Okay, okay… I’ll censor it a bit: “Keller’s F**k Boy”. I ask you, what the heck does that mean? Who is Keller, and why does he refer to me (obviously a girl) as a boy?

You might notice that I’ve created a new section of the site: php help. This is where I’m going to keep all the instructions and source files for the various web doohickeys I use here. So far there are just two (the comment system and the poll system), but hopefully I’ll add more soon.

Well, so far it looks like the riots aren’t nearly as bad as last year. The police managed to just outnumber the protesters and most of them are penned in at Oxford Circus, I guess. (Holy cow! Check out the picture the BBC’s got!) Of course, as soon as everything gets back to normal tomorrow, the Tube workers are striking again. This week will probably set a record in terms of absentee workers in London…

Hmmm… The cookie for my preferences setting has been acting wonky. Has anybody else had any problems? I changed the way it works, so hopefully your settings will stay even if you open new windows.

“Dingo eats baby!” Well, actually it was two dingos. And it wasn’t a baby, it was a nine-year-old. But still…