This is the funniest MetaFilter comment EVER. I like it even better than the original. “Oh, Jesus I wanna get witcha / And read some scripture.” Sheer poetry.

I love it when Ebert gets all political. Here he takes Barbara Bush to task for showing up at Buckingham Palace in jeans.

“Perhaps denims are Barbara’s native garb. It is perfectly appropriate for a Japanese woman to wear a kimono to the palace, or an Indian a sari. Perhaps Texans wear jeans as their traditional costume. Using the same loophole, she could have added a Dale Earnhardt T-shirt.”

I can’t believe she was such an idiot.

The perils of clubbing: falling off your platforms, getting groped, taking bad ecstasy… and getting tuberculosis. Suddenly spending Friday night at home with the Buffy DVD sounds so much better.

Katherine Harris is running for Congress. I’m trying to balance my feminist urge to congratulate her for giving it a shot with my Democratic urge to make the sign of the evil eye and call her out as the Spawn of Satan.

This one’s for my sister: “Cheeky chimp Chippy’s chatline”.

Have you guys been following this Australian ambush story? (You Yanks probably haven’t, as it doesn’t involve any Americans and took place in a foreign country.) Anyway, this British girl claims that she and her boyfriend were driving down a highway in Australia’s Northern Territory when a guy with a van flagged them down, claiming he needed help. The girlfriend says she heard a gunshot just after her boyfriend left their van, and then the mystery man pulled her out, tied her up, and threw her in the back of his van. She managed to escape later and hid in the scrub for six hours while the guy hunted for her with a dog. Now the whole country is out looking for this guy, and anybody with a rusty Ute is getting hauled in for questioning (a significant proportion of the population). They haven’t found anything yet, and some journalists are starting to question her story. Now tell me this isn’t just as interesting as that whole Chandra Levy business (which will probably just turn out along the lines of Max‘s theory anyway)…

Sparky broke his arm this week, but he’s still bloggin’. That’s some dedication. Feel better soon, Spark.

Hey! I finally got sent the Sircam virus today. Not that that’s a good thing or anything, but it’s always nice to be part of something. I got it once at my web-goddess address, and once at my roalddahlfans.com address. I tried to reply to one of the people to let them know that they had the virus, but Home.com bounced my e-mail and said that perhaps I had the virus! (They musta checked the reply-text or something.) Now if the bastards can keep me from sending it to one of their subscribers, why can’t they keep their subscribers from sending it out??

I totally channeled Max: I turned to my sister as we were leaving the theater after seeing Jurassic Park 3 on Saturday and said, “I hope all those kids have screaming nightmares and their parents have to stay up all friggin’ night.” What is it with people bringing children to events that are clearly inappropriate for them? Here I also refer to my long-standing rant against London mothers pushing baby strollers the size of twin beds through areas that are otherwise congested with adults (i.e. the Tate Modern). Seriously, everytime I nearly get run over by one, I turn to Snookums and snarl, “Inappropriate stroller!” That’s our code word.

Anyway, the movie wasn’t great but it didn’t suck. It really was, as Ebert pointed out, a “nice little thrill machine.” I hate-hate-hated Tea Leoni, but everybody else was okay. I really liked the pterodactyl bit. (I’m pretty sure they’re real, Max.) For some reason, the Barney the Dinosaur bit made me giggle like a freak. But maybe that had something to do with the three scoops of Phish Food I scarfed right before the show…

U.K. Survivor Update:
GIRL POWER! Yes, the final two competitors are both women! Richard royally screwed up by not getting rid of Charlotte when he could, and instead the alliance voted off poor Grandpa Mick. Then the Harlotte pulled the ace out of her sleeve: she told Jackie that Richard had told Pete he was being voted out. In other words, he’d been lying to Jackie all along in the hopes that she’d think the jury was prejudiced against him and thus pick him for the final two. Having ensured that Jackie would pick her over Richard, the Harlotte then managed a stunning victory in the final Immunity Challenge of the show. She wisely (I think) chose Jackie to go through with her, knowing that everybody on the Jury either A) hates Jackie or B) thinks she’s a useless idiot. My money’s on Charlotte to win.