Most websites are complete crap. Seriously. I’ve just spent 15 minutes at this horrible, ill-designed, unusable, wank-filled site (there’s some Googlebombing for you) trying to track down a simple piece of information: how long the Coffee Festival was running today. First I had them tell me that my browser wasn’t standards compliant (BZZZ! Try again, Chet!) and thus I’d be denied entrance to the site. Y’all know how much that pisses me off. So I just spoofed my user agent string (Man, I love OmniWeb!) and entered their stupid site anyway. I had to fight my way through flash movies, gargantuan hierarchical menus, and bad information design. Once I found my info, I sent off a complaint that, while it will probably be ignored by all their wanker designers and developers, sure made me feel better. Next time, I’ll just Google.

A-ha! I finally figured out what the heck this “snake legend” is that Max and Mia have been on about. *shudder* I like this bit:

Key to understanding the legend is appreciating that the fatal coat is never purchased from an upscale shop. The common perception of discount stores’ trading off quality for price enters into this legend, as does an element of the overly frugal shopper getting her just deserts. Had she only been willing to pay retail, we nod sagely to ourselves, she’d have lived.

Just for the record, even though this thing is totally false, my new coat came from one of the most reputable shops in Sydney. 🙂

Friday Five:

1. Where are you right now?
Sitting in my “office”, aka. the living room couch. You can probably see me on CouchCam if you’re lucky.

2. What have you lost recently?
I recently lost a silver ring that I bought in Acapulco a few years ago. I’m hoping it’ll turn up when we move next week, though.

3. What was the first CD you ever purchased? Does that embarrass you now?
I can’t remember. I was addicted to those “Buy 6 CD’s for one cent!” mail order deals in high school, so it was probably something from those. I had embarrassingly bad taste back then, so we’ll just leave it at that.

4. What is your favorite kind of writing pen?
Ooh, I can’t remember what they’re called! They’ve got a long straight nib and a window in the barrel so you can see how much ink is left. I was addicted to those in college. I used to go to Sam’s Club and buy the packs with all the different colors.

5. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
I haven’t had any in ages, but Ben & Jerry’s “Chubby Hubby” makes me a happy girl.

Scene: Friday night; in our favorite restaurant at dinner; rather tipsy from an entire bottle of wine.

Me: So I think I’m gonna go to this Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow. It’s worth checking out. I’m just worried that I’ll be, like, the fattest person there.
Snook: Well, you could be their mascot!
Me: *blink*

Upon further explanation, he didn’t mean it the way it sounded (or so he claims). Hmmm, we’ll see.

Sonofa… After meeting up with the Snook in the city today, I wandered into Grace Bros. (big department store) to look for a new winter coat. I found this great brown suede one lined with wool. I paid for it, got all the way home with it, and only then realized that the dumb saleslady forgot to take off the security tag. I’m afraid that if I try to do it myself it’ll explode with dye or something. (It doesn’t look like one of those tags, but what do I know.) So now I’ve got to go all the way back to the damn store tomorrow and see if they can fix it. What a pain in the bum…

Update: It’s fixed now. I had to go back to the store, but they were fairly apologetic about it. Turns out the old lady that served me yesterday also forgot to tear off some vital UPC tag that they need to keep. I’m standin’ there like, “Has this woman been given ANY training??” Moral of the story: always check your stuff when you leave the store, kids.

Sweeeet. They’re going to be filming some low-flying helicopter shots for The Matrix sequels over central Sydney this weekend.

Bill Gates wants you to switch to a Mac. Hahaha!

We drove the car
To the top of the parking ramp
4th of July
Sat out on the hood
With a couple of warm beers
And watched the fireworks
Explode in the sky
— Ani Difranco, “Independence Day”

Man, am I homesick. This is the third “Fourth of July” I’ve been out of the country, and for some reason this one’s the worst. It’s not that I’m a big gung-ho patriot or anything; it’s more what the 4th of July represents. Sun, family, barbecues, fireworks, the Taste of Chicago, floating in a pool… and here I am, sitting in an apartment thousands of miles away. *sigh* Okay, I’ll try not too get to maudlin on you. Just suffice it to say that I wish I was with all of you Yanks right now. So when you’re watching the local fireworks tonight, pick out a pretty one for me, okay? I wanna hear all about it in the morning. 🙂

Random TV Thoughts:

• Australian Big Brother ended last night, and it did not disappoint. The final two were Marty, the Western Australian farmboy, and Peter, the East Coast IT guy. I wasn’t sure who to support. Peter was the sentimental vote, since his parents died and he has to raise his younger siblings. But Marty was the fun vote, since he was rude and funny and unafraid to shag in the house. The Australian public, though, decided they couldn’t turn their backs on a family of orphans. Thus Peter won the $250,000. The best part came while he was in the house all alone waiting to be brought out, and Big Brother announced one last surprise for him… and his little brother came running in. Seriously, you guys, we’re talking tears here, okay? It was beautiful. My faith in humanity is redeemed.
• Of course, after Big Brother was the much touted premiere of The Osbournes. I thought it was amusing, but not as “pissing-myself-funny” as you Yanks had let me to believe. I think part of it has to do with the accents. To Americans, anybody with an unintelligible British accent is funny. I can just picture y’all cracking up every time Ozzy says “wobbler”. It’s a lot less funny if you use that word on occasion (as I do). I’m not saying it wasn’t good, though, and I’ll definitely keep watching. It’s just that I didn’t think it was the greatest TV show ever or anything.
• And finally, the Snook and I watched the “two-hour premiere” of Smallville tonight. (Well, really, it was just the first two episodes run together.) Lots of cheese – and Bo Duke – but it wasn’t terrible. We had fun pointing out all the clichés that had been pulled from other teen shows. “Ooh, the meteor shower means that weird shit will always be happening in Smallville! How very Hellmouth.” “Lana Lang doesn’t have any parents, and all the guys love her. She’s obviously Joey, and Clark is Dawson. But instead of a creek between them, it’s a cornfield.” And dude, I didn’t even need TWOP to point out the potential for slash fiction. Lex is bald and beautiful. Thanks to everybody who recommended it!

Damn I need a Tivo. 🙁

The Top Ten Films of All Time, as chosen by Ali G. I kid you not. My favorite bit is the last one:

10. Jaws 4
Altho’ da first few Jaws flims ain’t all dat, by da time dey made da fourf dey woz really gettin’ dere shit togetha. Me still has nightmares about da bit where dey iz in da sea and den, completely hunexpectedly, dis big shark appearz and den if dat weren’t bad enuf it only goes and eats people. To dis day, me swear me never goin’ swimmin’ in Hollywood where dese attacks ‘appened and instead would choose places on da ovver side of da world like Ostaralia.

I’m still laughing. Ma Snook, you’re gonna love these. 🙂