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- PM expresses objection to beards – Julia just lost the hipster vote.
- Twitter / Amanda Palmer: its in the key of PARTY.
- Converse And Marimekko – WANT.
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My annual Oscar Contest is now open! I have added an additional category this year (“Best Cinematography”) to hopefully help avoid ties. If you pick the most correct answers, you’ll win the big prize: a pair of custom-made, one-of-a-kind Black Swan and White Swan ballerina sock monkeys! One is beautiful, pure, and repressed; the other is totes sexy-crazy. They might just be my best sock creations yet. (However, I disclaim all responsibility if you use them to act out the movie and then it drives you insane.) Read on for more photos, or go here to enter.SPOILER ALERT!
Once upon a time, there was a young ballerina named Nina. She was beautiful and pure and kinda repressed, and her greatest dream was to dance the lead in Swan Lake. She lived with her demanding mother in a tiny womb-like apartment and didn’t have any friends. She was a little weird.
Through a series of events that may or may not have involved a pilfered lipstick and a stolen kiss, Nina got her wish and got picked to play the Swan Queen. As rehearsal wore on though, Nina started to get paranoid. She began to fixate on the new dancer Lily. Was someone following her? Who was that lurking in the shadows and behind mirrors?
Nina was perfect as the White Swan, but she couldn’t embody the sexuality and ecstasy of the Black Swan. She tried everything, but mostly her creepy Mom kept thwarting her. It really started to get to her. She spent a lot of time looking in mirrors. She got a weird rash on her shoulder.
On a night of reckless abandon, Nina goes to a club with Lily, drops Ecstasy, and makes out with a random dude. Then in the taxi, Lily makes a move…
They spend the night together – OR DO THEY? – and it pretty much facilitates Nina’s full psychotic break. She freaks out on her Mom and has some more avian hallucinations. On opening night, she wrestles with Lily in the dressing room and dramatically stabs her. Nina’s Black Swan persona finally emerges.
Exhilarated, Nina dances the third act as the Swan Queen passionately and sensually. As she dances, her arms sprout feathers and become full black wings. She loses herself and transforms into the Black Swan, earning a standing ovation. The whole audience wonders what the hell just happened.
But what becomes of the White Swan? Pretty much just what we all expected. OR DOES IT?
THE END
Actually, I’ve got some more photos so you can see the details of the prizes. First, the White Swan. She features a white dress with feather detail, white tutu, pink ballet shoes, and white feathered headpieces. She has a mysterious rash on her left shoulder.
Next, the Black Swan. She features a black dress with feather detail, black tutu, pink ballet shoes, and a black crown (of pipe cleaners). She has red button eyes and hand-painted makeup on her face and hands. She also features velcro down the back of each arm so you can attach a pair of black feathered wings.
What are you waiting for? Go enter the contest!
Massive thanks go to Kunaal and Josh for all their help, especially with the fantastic photos. And as always, thanks to the Snook for inspiration and assistance.
Marketers Suck
So last week, the phone rang not long after I got home one evening. The only people who ever call are my mother-in-law, old ladies from the Knitters Guild, and telemarketers. It turned out to be the last. Just as I was gearing up to tell him to never call me again, he uttered the magic words: “We’d just like to get your opinion on a new TV show. Would that be all right?” Why yes, it would! (I think 75% of the shows on TV are utter crap. Therefore of course I’m happy to do anything I can to, like, replace some of the crap with stuff I like. Plus I like the idea of people listening to my opinion, of course.) Also, they’d give me a $10 Myer card and I could win like $250 in prizes for helping. So he said they’d send me out a DVD to watch and then call the next day to get my thoughts. And by the way, could I please tell them if I’d purchased any breakfast cereal in the past month? How about moisturizer? Toilet bowl cleaner? These questions raised a big red flag in my mind, but I shrugged it off as mere demographic information. I WAS GONNA GIVE MY OPINION ON A TV SHOW, DAMMIT.
Yesterday was finally the big day. The Snook opened the envelope and started laughing at me. It contained the DVD along with a massive stack of papers, some in envelopes marked “OPEN BEFORE WATCHING DVD” and even “DO NOT OPEN”. There was a whole instruction sheet on what I had to do. In one envelope was a series of “prize” selection sheets, and I was meant to go through and indicate which “prize” I’d like if I won the drawing. And what were the prizes? Coincidentally, things like breakfast cereals… and moisturizer… and toilet bowl cleaner. The situation was becoming clear. Then I was instructed to watch the DVD, which had a complex series of menus I had to navigate to “unlock” the show. (The instructions also said I could only watch it once. I am somewhat curious to see what will happen if I put it in again.) The instructions told me that the show was an old pilot that they were thinking of remaking. Folks, it was awful. It was called “The Rocky Laporte Show” and seemed to be an “Everybody Loves Raymond” clone set in Chicago from five years ago. I sat through the whole stupid thing, including the commercials. (Another warning flag.) Then I opened up the “OPEN AFTER WATCHING THE DVD” envelope to find another set of “prize” selection sheets, where I was again instructed to select from breakfast cereals… and moisturizers… and toilet bowl cleaners.
“Do these people really think I’m that stupid?!” I asked the Snook. “This isn’t about the show at all! They actually think that seeing a couple commercials is going to make me pick different brands from the list? THIS IS THE STUPIDEST MARKETING EXERCISE EVER.” There actually was a small questionnaire about the show, just a couple multiple choice questions about whether you liked it and whether you liked the characters. (I said it SUCKED.)
So after spending like an hour on this whole stupid thing, I decided to google “Rocky Laporte Show” and see if this really was a legitimate pilot. The very first result is this blog post, written by someone disgusted over getting tricked into watching the show as part of a stupid marketing exercise. Folks, it was the EXACT SAME SURVEY… and hers was from FOUR YEARS AGO. That was it. I chucked the papers in the bin and made a mental note to give the guy a piece of my mind when he called.
And that was tonight. Interestingly, they seem to outsource the data collection to India. Before the operator could get into his spiel, I cut him off. “I don’t want to participate anymore.” “You… don’t want to participate? Why?” So I told him. “I think this whole thing was misrepresented. I thought I was going to be giving my thoughts on a TV show, and instead it just an excuse for a sneaky brand survey. The show sucked. And afterwards, I googled the title and saw that you guys have been pulling the same stunt for four years now. So I’m not participating.” He thanked me and hung up.
So learn from my example! Don’t get sucked in by flattery, thinking you’re going to be commenting on some new TV show. Chances are they just want to find out what brand of toilet bowl cleaner you use.
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Murder by Butter. It’s like a rejected Roald Dahl story.
Black Swan: The Abridged Script. On a possibly-related note, my annual Oscar Contest will be launching very shortly! (Link courtesy of John.)
On Saturday the Snook and I went over to Strathfield Park (on like the hottest day of the year) for the engagement party of my friend Sean and his girlfriend Jess. We mostly just huddled in the shade and tried not to get sunburnt or dehydrated. My friend Cristian took some cute photos of us with his massive DSLR.
Thanks for the pics, Buzman!
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Levi´s latest fit for men: The Ex-Girlfriend Jean…
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Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals #3: Cheat’s Pizza
This was our third official cooking/blogging attempt from Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals. It’s been so hot in Sydney this week that we wanted to choose a “cooler” meal, something with lots of salad. We settled on Cheat’s Pizza with 3 Delish Salads, Squashed Cherries & Vanilla Marscapone Cream. It actually worked out pretty perfectly, as we had a surfeit of tomatoes and basil from our weekly veggie box, and cherries were on special at the grocery store.
Quick verdict: This was the first recipe where we didn’t substitute anything; we had it all. This was also our FASTEST attempt yet! Elapsed time: 38:26. That’s pretty damn good! I think you could easily get this one down to 30 minutes once you had the recipe memorised. (There’s also a step we’d eliminate if we did it again; more on that in a minute.) Overall I rated it 9/10, while the Snook judged it 8/10. Read on for a photo essay of the preparation.Pre-start prep: We got out all the necessary ingredients, tools, and cooking vessels. This week we also needed the food processor and the blender. The kitchen was clean (well, as clean as it gets) and everything wiped down and ready go to. The grill was turned on as high as it would go and the frying pan was on the stove on low heat.
First up are the ingredients for the pizza. The dough was just self-raising flour and tepid water. There’s also: salami, buffalo mozzarella, red wine vinegar, canned tomatoes, garlic, fennel seeds, red chilli, and parmesan.
Next up are the ingredients for the tomato salad: a variety of “interesting” tomatoes, basil, balsamic vinegar, garlic, chilli.
Two more salads’ ingredients here: a packet of rocket and a lemon for the rocket salad; buffalo mozzarella, pesto, basil, and lemon for the mozzarella salad. (Note: Rodd actually made some homemade pesto recently and froze it into an ice cube tray, which is why our pesto looks weird here!)
Dessert ingredients: marscapone, cherries, icing sugar, an orange, milk, vanilla.
Here’s our frying pan on the stove. We didn’t have an ovenproof one as big as the recipe required, so we took Jamie’s advice and made two smaller pizzas instead.
Our crappy food processor. We’re going to get a new one soon, I swear.
And a newcomer to the stage: the blender! (Or “liquidizer” as Jamie refers to it.)
The tomato salad was the first thing to do. The Snook got to work chopping up all our weird organic tomatoes.
Really, the salad prep was so quick. We added in finely chopped chilli and garlic, torn up basil, and the balsamic vinegar. Then a seasoning of salt & pepper and a drizzle of olive oil, and it was done!
Time to get the pizza going. Here’s the Snook whizzing up the dough (flour, water, oil, and salt) in the food processor.
Next he turned it out onto a floured board…
Kinda lumpy and wet, “like a scone dough” he says.
Here he’s divided it in half and he’s rolling it out into a circle roughly the size of our frying pan.
Meanwhile, I got to work on that sauce. The blender has tinned tomatoes, basil, garlic, red wine vinegar, olive oil, and salt in it.
The whizzed up sauce. Frankly, this is a step I’d leave out next time. It annoyed me that it only uses a third of a can of tomatoes. What the heck am I going to do with the rest? And it’s a pain to clean a blender. I found myself thinking – why not just buy one of those little tubs of pre-made sauce?
Time to assemble the pizza! Here’s the dough going into the frying pan.
At this stage it’s got my sauce on it, along with torn up buffalo mozzarella and a grating of parmesan.
The final additions: salami, fennel seeds, and chilli. Then it went under a hot grill for 5 minutes!
Meanwhile, Snookums got working on the rocket salad. It was pretty simple: just rocket, olive oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper.
The pizza is done! (We let it cool for a minute before putting it on a rack and then assembling the second one in the same pan.)
I was busy with the mozzarella salad. Basically, it’s torn up mozzarella covered in pesto, basil, lemon zest, pepper, and olive oil. (Note: real buffalo mozzarella is HELLA expensive. The two lumps we used cost us $16!)
The dessert was the weirdest part for me. First, I don’t get why you have to put the cherries in ice water. It didn’t seem to really make much difference. Secondly, why such a tiny amount of marscapone? The recipe called for 125g, which was half my little tub. Even padded out with milk, icing sugar, vanilla, and orange zest, that doesn’t amount to much when you divide it among four people. Here I’ve divvied it up as if you were serving to four.
The finished meal! In terms of leftovers, we have a whole second pizza and plenty of salads for lunch tomorrow.
Here’s the dessert after I decided to just dump in the other half of the marscapone cream. That made a much nicer portion size.
Tasting notes: The Snook says the pizza was as good as could be expected given that it was made so quickly and didn’t include yeast. It browned up nicely on the bottom, but it was mostly bready and not that crispy (except around the edges). Snookums also doubted the inclusion of fennel seeds, which I actually liked. The tomato salad was excellent, and I think it actually brought out the best in our ragged tomatoes. The other two salads were good as well. In retrospect, buffalo mozzarella is probably overkill for the pizza in terms of the price, but it sure made a nice little indulgence. The dessert was very tasty; we just thought the recipe amounted to some very meager portions! Overall this was the perfect summer Italian meal and that nicely highlighted produce that’s in season. Will definitely be repeating this one.
Stay tuned next week for another recipe from Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals!
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