sewing

web-goddess Oscar Contest 2010

Oscar Contest 2010 The Eighth Annual web-goddess Oscar Contest has finally begun. I’ve added a thirteenth category this year – Best Original Score – to lessen the odds of a tie. As usual, the number of dead people in the obituary montage will be the tiebreaker. And what do you get if you win? Why, it’s a Sparkly Emo Vampire Sockmonkey Playset! (And don’t worry, Twilight-haters. I’ve catered for you too.)

You can go here to make your entry. You can see all the current entries here. The contest will end the minute the ceremony begins! Read on for more photos and details of the prize!

Once upon a time, a girl named Bella fell in love with a very sparkly emo vampire named Edward. He gave her piggy-back rides in the trees.

Oscar Contest 2010 - Bella and Edward

But her long-haired Native American friend Jacob didn’t approve and warned her away.

Oscar Contest 2010 - Bella and Jacob

Bella didn’t care. She and Edward frolicked in a meadow and he sparkled.

Oscar Contest 2010 - In the Meadow

Jacob cut his hair and took to wearing cutoffs and hanging out in the woods in the rain.

Oscar Contest 2010 - Jacob

But what’s this? It’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer! With a flash, she whips out Mr. Pointy and reduces Emo Edward to dust.

Oscar Contest 2010 - Buffy stakes Edward

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. If you win this year’s Oscar Contest, all this melodrama could be yours. You get three different sock monkeys: Edward, Bella/Buffy, and Jacob.

Edward comes with foofy auburn hair, amber eyes, embroidered six-pack, and a black peacoat. Oh, and he sparkles in the sun.
Bella has long brown hair, a grey coat, and a treasured copy of “Wuthering Heights” (with hand-embroidered cover). She’s also very clumsy and lacks any sort of personality. (Just like the books!)
Jacob (in his younger incarnation) has long brown hair, an embroidered six-pack, and a pair of denim cut-offs. He’s friendly and nice and has no idea he has a latent werewolf gene.
Later, Jacob gets ripped, cuts his hair, finds out he’s a werewolf, and kinda turns into a jerk. See? You can tell he’s scowling. Poor kid has no idea Renesmee is in his future.
With a quick change of wig and the addition of a crucifix, Bella becomes Buffy! Buffy has long blonde hair and a wooden stake. She’s also quick with a pun and has very little patience with mopey emo vampires.
The four wigs (Bella’s long, Buffy’s long, Jacob’s long, and Jacob’s short) all have a strip of Velcro on the underside that corresponds to a strip on the appropriate monkey’s head. You can mix and match to your heart’s content!

Oscar Contest 2010 - Wigs

So whether you’re a Twi-hard or a Twi-hater, there’s something for everyone in the Sparkly Emo Vampire Playset!

Oscar Contest 2009

Oscar Contest 2009 The Seventh Annual Web-Goddess Oscar Contest is now open for entry! This year’s winner will take home a one-of-a-kind pair of Batman and Joker sock monkeys. (I almost didn’t do them because it seemed too obvious, but I also couldn’t resist the opportunity to make my second Heath Ledger tribute monkey.) I have to say, the Joker monkey is without a doubt the most DISTURBING sock creation of all time. He features hand-hooked green hair, a green waistcoat, a purple duster, and a SUPER-CREEPY painted face. Batman features a utility belt, a bat crest on his chest, his bat mask/helmet, and a long black cape. You could act out your favorite scenes from the movie… or slash fiction! Up to you.

Please note: You’re welcome to save these photos to your server as long as you give me credit and link back to the contest. If I catch you hot-linking them or claiming credit, I reserve the right to replace them with something nasty (or poke you in the eye with a pencil).

Anyway, I know this picture is enormous, but it’s also my favorite and I can’t resist. I’ve got this set as my desktop wallpaper right now.

Batman and Joker Sock Monkeys

Here’s the full view so you can see how long their arms/legs/tails are.

Batman and Joker Sock Monkeys

Joker close-up. Note: I used acrylic paint on his face, so you can’t ever get him wet or it’ll come off.

Joker Sock Monkey

Batman close-up. I’m really proud of how his mask turned out.

Batman Sock Monkey

Batman interrogates the Joker.

Batman and Joker Sock Monkeys

Bag Swap Package

Bag Swap Package
I can’t believe I forgot to post my Bag Swap Package! I received mine from Tricia, and I sent off a package to Amanda in rural Victoria. I spent some time stalking Amanda, and I figured that a practical bag was going to be best for her. I went with Knitty’s Satchel, which is a roomy, felted messenger bag. I knitted the smaller size out of Lincraft Cozy wool and felted it in my washing machine. (I double-felted the handle for extra strength.) In one of her questionnaires, Amanda happened to mention that she really wanted a dog. Well, I thought, I’d stitch her one…

I also sent her a book of Sudoku (since she likes doing those), a bar of chocolate, and a box of T-pins. (A lace knitter can never have too many T-pins.) I’m really happy that she liked the package! (More details over on Ravelry if you’re interested.)

F*** Cancer

F*** Cancer Hooray! Brigita got her care package from me. It takes a lot to get me to cross stitch, you know. (I’ve posted some more pictures after the jump.) The design comes from Subversive Cross Stitch. And how adorable does Miss Violet look? What a cutie!

F*** Cancer

Oscar Contest 2008

web-goddess Oscar Contest 2008 It’s time to start the Sixth Annual web-goddess Oscar Contest, folks! Here’s how it works: Just go the entry form and make your picks for the dozen award categories (and tie-breaker!). Whoever gets the most right wins a fabulous, one-of-a-kind sock monkey creation. After much deliberation, there really was only one choice this year: a Striking Writer Monkey. He’s union and proud, dammit! (And he’ll probably get the Oscar ceremony cancelled anyway.) He’s also kind of a hipster, for some reason. He features hand-knitted Converse All-Stars (which also function as baby booties, if you have a baby) and chunky black glasses (made out of Fimo). He’ll also come with his very own picket sign, as soon as I get some more ink for my printer. (If you want an idea of how big he is, check out this Flickr photo.)

Striking Writer Monkey

Knitted All-Stars

Striking Writer Monkey

Tiki Heads and Ape Librarians

Tiki Heads and Ape Librarians
A few months ago over Ravelry, I floated the idea of a “secret pal” exchange on the Australian Knitters group. Lots of folks were onboard, and we hammered out a plan for a “Tea Cosy Swap.” Everybody was to knit a tea or coffee cosy for their pal, along with $20 or so worth of related treats. My secret pal was Jen, who occasionally comments over here. I made her three crafty things, along with homemade brownies, chocolate-covered coffee beans, and a pack of Japanese cookies. She got her package today, and despite a near tragic dog-related incident, she really liked it!

There are more photos over on Flickr. Read on for descriptions and pattern notes. (Man, this’ll be a lot easier when I can just link to ’em on Ravelry.)First up is the Tiki Head Coffee Plunger Cosy. On the questionnaire everyone filled out at the start of the swap, Jen had said that “I absolutely love kitsch, the sillier the better.” Folks, it was like waving a red flag at a bull. I brainstormed to come up with something suitably kitschy that fit the columnar shape of her plunger pot. Then it hit me – TIKI! After scouring Google for a while, I found some tiki faces that seemed suitable. I traced my favorite in Photoshop and turned it into a crude knitting chart. Jen described her 4-cup plunger pot as being 12 inches in diameter and 6 inches high. The following pattern is based on that, but you can easily adjust it to fit other sizes.

Cast on 75 stitches using 8ply wool and 4mm needles.

Knit K1P1 rib for a bit to keep it from rolling up at the bottom. I did 4 rows in total.

Switch to stockinette stitch, and knit 8-10 rows. Now you’re ready to start the chart.

Next row: Knit 10, place stitch marker, follow face chart (18 stitches), place stitch marker, knit 19, place stitch marker, follow face chart (18 stitches), place stitch marker, knit 10.

Continue following chart, knitting stockinette stitch throughout other sections. When chart is finished, knit another 12 or so rows in stockinette stitch. Cast off.

Use duplicate stitch to add teeth and eye highlights, and to embroider “TIKI” (or something else) in the center between motifs. Use backstitch (a thinner yarn helps) to add outlines to face and around letters. Sew top and bottom edges together for about one inch, leaving opening for handle. Add fringe to the sections over the faces.

Next up is the Magical Octarine Hotpad. Jen had mentioned that she could use a hotpad, and I knew from peeking at her Ravelry groups that she was a Terry Pratchett fan. And while I’ve read a couple of the Discworld novels myself, I didn’t know them nearly well enough to come up with any clever ideas. So I did some research and asked some questions.

Octarine (the colour of magic) is described as a “greenish-yellow purple.” I figured that the nearest non-wizard approximation was using one strand of greenish-yellow cotton and one of purple. I combined the two and used a slightly smaller needle than expected to make it a bit bulkier. Octagons also have special magical significance, so I decided to make my dishcloth/hot pad octagonal.

Cast on 80 stitches on a 6mm needle using two strands held together. Join for knitting in the round.

Round 1: * Knit 8, K2tog * repeat to end.
Round 2: Knit.
Round 3: * Knit 7, K2tog * repeat to end.
Round 4: Knit.

You get the idea. Just go til you get down to the last 8, and then draw the cotton through and pull tight. I also crocheted a loop on one side so it’s hangable.

The last item – “The Librarian” – was inspired by a suggestion on my Ask Metafilter question. Someone suggested I knit her an orangutan. (The librarian of Unseen University was transformed into an orangutan in the books.) While I do like to knit, knitting toys isn’t one of my strengths. However, making sock monkeys is!

The first step was to find some appropriate socks. This wasn’t easy. After checking three or four department stores’ hosiery departments and striking out, I stopped into Kmart on a whim and checked the men’s section. There they were! Bright orange Holeproof Explorer socks. (I think they’re meant for hunters.) And by turning them inside out, I even got a fluffy texture! I was sure I was onto a winner.

The actual construction was pretty easy, especially as I didn’t have a make a tail. (If you call the librarian a monkey, he’ll rip your arms off. Apes don’t have tails!) I modified my usual design a bit by shortening his legs and lengthening the arms. I also stuffed his belly a bit more to give him a paunch. I made more human-looking ears than usual too.

The last step was to knit him an “ook.” (That’s “book” to you and me.) This was knit out of scraps of 8ply wool on 4mm needles. I simply knitted 3 stockinette rectangles (two white, one black) and sewed them together to make a book. Then I used black stranded cotton to embroidery some mystical-looking runes inside. Then I just sewed it to his arm! (Which sounds cruel, but sock apes don’t have opposable thumbs, you know.)

Babies Suck

I made my sister another present for Penn. It’s a baby bib! The design came from subversive cross stitch, and the bib itself is from DMC. I managed to finish it in just one day, despite not being the world’s greatest cross stitcher. (Yeah, I know it’s not quite centered properly.) And don’t worry; I already floated the idea to her on the phone and she loved the sentiment. New mothers are all about sarcasm, I guess.

My Nike + iPod Hack

My Nike + iPod Hack
I went over to Newtown today to meet Lara and pick up my new Apple gear. (Lara works at Total Recall in North Sydney, and I am officially giving them a plug.) I got a beautiful pink 4GB iPod nano (I have named her “Kylie”) and the Nike + iPod kit. As soon as I got home, I started charging her up in preparation for our first run. The big problem, of course, is that I don’t have the special Nike shoes with the hole for the sensor. My original plan was to use this popular hack, but within seconds I discovered that my stash of velcro is the sew-on variety (i.e. not sticky). Shoot. But hey, I’ve got a sewing machine gathering dust in the closet, right? So I decided to roll my own. It worked out pretty well! (More photos and instructions after the jump.) With that sorted, it was time to try the sucker out. The Snook and I headed over to Victoria Park to do our usual 5K route. (We used Google Pedometer a while back to determine that four laps is just about 5K.) We started the workout and we were off! Halfway around, I hit the center button to trigger the verbal feedback. My song faded while a pleasant female voice announced our current distance, time, and pace. Sweet! (To my surprise, the pace calculation doesn’t simply divide your distance by the time; it actually calculates your pace at any given second. That’s nice.) I was hurting during the third lap so it was time for my Power Song: Eminem’s “Lose Yourself.” (Boring and obvious, I know. I need suggestions!) It gave me a really nice lift, and afterwards it switches right back into the song you were listening to previously. As far as accuracy, this thing was pretty much spot-on straight out of the box. I didn’t bother to do the calibration and our 5K distance was accurate to within about 20 feet. That’s good enough for me! As soon as we got home, I plugged Kylie back in so I could upload my run data to the Nike website. To my surprise, I have the eighth fastest 5K time for Australian females in my age group this week! (Proof.) Of course, my time was SLOW AS so I’m sure I’ll drop once the pool of runners gets a bit larger. Anyway, you want to see the details of my shoe hack, right?The basic idea I had was to make a tubular pocket of fabric just big enough to slip the sensor down inside and long enough that I could weave it through my shoelaces and velcro the ends together. For extra waterproof-ness, I slipped the sensor inside a tiny snaplock bag to keep it dry. Here’s a picture of my shoes as currently laced (by Joe at The Runner’s Shop in Clovelly):

My shoes

There’s a nice gap between the laces just about the size of the sensor, so that’s where I thought it would sit. I decided to make the pocket about three times as long as the sensor, so the ends would wrap around and join up. Here’s what the finished tube looks like:

Tube

I’ve folded it like that so you can see that the two bits of velcro are on opposite sides. You can also see that my sensor (wrapped in its little baggie) just fits in the open end. Here’s what it looks like on my shoe (without the ends fastened):

On my shoe

The sensor is sitting in the middle section between my laces. (Make sure you put the flat side with the Nike logo on top!) Now I just need to stick the ends together:

Finished Nike + iPod shoe hack

Voila! It’s snug as a bug and doesn’t shift around at all. Works like a charm.

Nike + iPod hack diagram How to do it:
Here’s a really, really basic diagram. You want your tube to end up being about 13cm long by 3cm wide (which, since it’s folded over, is really 6cm). So cut your fabric a little bigger than that. I went with about a half-inch seam allowance so I’ve suggested you cut it something like 15cm x 9cm. (The blue area on my diagram is the seam allowance. It might be helpful for velcro placement if you actually draw the 13cm x 6cm box on your fabric.)

Now’s a good time to hem the top edge, otherwise the open end of your tube will fray. So fold over one of the short sides a little bit and sew it down. (I did this by hand after the fact, but if I were doing it again I’d use the machine at this stage.)

Now you need your velcro. Cut two pieces about as big as the sensor itself and sew them down vaguely as shown on the diagram. They should be about half the width of the tube and a little less than one third of the length. You have to put them in opposite corners so they end up on opposite sides when you sew it together.

Which you should do now. Fold right sides together and sew as indicated by the red line. Then trim your seam allowances and turn the sucker right-side out. (Be patient when turning it. The tube is small and the velcro can be stiff, so just take your time.)

And that’s pretty much it! Slide your sensor in the open end and position in the middle of the tube. Weave the two ends through your laces, fold over, and stick together. That sucker’s not going anywhere!

Oscar Contest has officially launched

It’s that time, folks! The Fourth Annual Web-Goddess Oscar Contest has officially launched. I’ve added a few more awards categories this year (to hopefully lessen the odds of a tie) but otherwise it works exactly the same.

But Kris, you ask, what do we win? Hold on to your hats. If you manage to reign supreme this year, you will win none other than your very own pair of gay sock monkey cowboys. (I know! You’re like, “She didn’t.” But I totally did.) They’re rainbow… They have cowboy hats and boots… And they share the love that dare not speak its name. They are my greatest sock creations of all time. What to see more?I’m calling them Ennis and Jack, but you are, of course, free to rename them.

Ennis and Jack

A close-up of their faces. As you can see, I left off the mouths. These are men of few words.

Close-up

They’re knockin’ boots! Check out that embroidery work. I even put spurs on them!

Boots

Frequently Asked Sock Monkey Questions:

Do you have these for sale?
No, unfortunately I don’t. I’ve sold sock monkeys in the past but, to be honest, the amount most people are willing to pay doesn’t nearly cover the effort involved. They’re surprisingly labor-intensive! Tha’s why I only give them away as prizes now. Of course, you’re welcome to make me an offer I can’t refuse…
Are these knitted?
Nope! While I can knit socks, these sock monkeys are actually made out of cheap knee socks purchased at K-Mart.
Where did you get the hats and boots?
I managed to find the hats at the last minute at Spotlight at Birkenhead Point, but it was the third or fourth store I tried. You should probably ring around. (I was soooo happy to get them. They really “make” the whole project.) For the boots, I first played around with some paper templates til I had a boot shape I liked. Then I cut them out of felt and hand-stitched them together. I also added small silver star charms for spurs and decorative stitching.
How can I make my own?
Easy! Just check out my tutorial.
Can I put these pictures on my website?
You’re welcome to put my pictures on your site as long as you give me credit for them, and you save them to your own webserver. I pay for all my webhosting out-of-pocket so I can’t afford to subsidise your bandwidth. So right-click and save the images to your own hard-drive, and then upload them to your own webspace. Thanks!

Iron Chef

Happy Halloween!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you eccentric millionaire Chairman Kaga (founder of Kitchen Stadium), and Iron Chef Hiroyuki Sakai, the “Delacroix of French cuisine.”

Kaga and Sakai

More photos are forthcoming, but in the meantime Amy’s put a couple up on Flickr. The Other Andrew also has a write-up. (We had bloggers all over the place!) And yes, at one point in the night the Snook *did* take a bite of that pepper. 🙂