Grrrrr. Hypothetical situation: you’re an American salesperson with a girl in London on the line just aching to spend $1800. This potential customer is American herself and wishes the items to be sent to her mother’s house in America. What do you do? Sell her the frickin’ goods, right? Wrong. Apparently some people don’t like to take international credit cards. Even when they’re plain old Visas that work fine in American stores and ATMS and everywhere else you could think of. There’s no reason; they just don’t like typing “U.K.” or something. Luckily I am an enterprising individual. (You did realize I was talking about me, right?) A quick call here and the billing address is changed. Computer is purchased. Millions rejoice. And yet Kris rants…

Quiz of the day

The Discovery Health Sensuality Test. Actually this is one of the better online quizzes I’ve taken. The questions were thoughtful and actually made me realize some of my unconscious perceptions. I scored an 80, which means:

You are one sensual human being! You are titillated by the sensual stimuli of everyday life. The smell of flowers, the sensation of silk against the skin, the taste of food, the sound of music, and the rich colors of life tickle and tease you to ecstasy. Yours is a hedonistic attitude, and you deeply enjoy the physical pleasures that life has to offer. This is great-a good smell or beautiful color is often enough to keep a smile on your face and a song in your heart.

Actually I pretty much agree with this analysis. When I go to the store, I have to touch everything. If I see flowers, I have to smell them. When I hear a song with a beat, my booty starts shaking itself automatically. I can’t stand to wear itchy sweaters. I love the feel of a cold room, crisp sheets, and a warm duvet. When the sun is shining, I can’t help but feel happy.

This bit was a little scary though: People who delight in sensual pleasures are at a slightly increased risk for addictions… That’s a confirmation of something I’ve felt about myself for a while now. When I like something, I get obsessive about it. When I first heard R.E.M.’s “Out of Time”, I honestly didn’t listen to anything else for a month. And remember the whole hummus addiction? That’s mostly why I don’t do drugs, I guess. I just know that I wouldn’t be able to control myself. (Link courtesy of Brigita.)

Scene from the Cop Shop
For my Australian visa I need some sort of document proving that I’m not a criminal, so this morning I headed out to the Hammersmith Police Station to request a copy of my record. I opened the door to discover about twelve people already waiting while a single harrassed policeman tried to work the counter. While I waited, I watched as a young guy tried to claim that his £200 mobile phone had been stolen on the bus. I was buying his story until the cop, who was filling out the crime report, asked him what color it was. The “victim” had to stop and think about it. Yeah, riiight, buddy. Make sure to work out those pesky little details before you file the insurance claim.

DeCSS (DVD decryption software) has been declared “pure speech” by a California court. Sweet! This software breaks the encryption on a DVD so you can play it on a Linux computer. The Motion Picture Association of America have a vested interest in making sure you can only play discs on approved players, and so they’ve been suing in court to prevent people from distributing it or even linking to it. Some people think that’s ridiculous (and I happen to agree). At any rate, it looks like I can wear my DeCSS T-shirt in the U.S. without fear of getting arrested.

Oh. My. God. Have you guys played around with the Internet Archive Wayback Machine yet? They’ve archived, like, ten billion web pages since 1996, including some gems from the past of yours truly. For instance, there’s my very first personal site ever: Kristine Howard’s Page O’ Wonders. (I was such a nerd freshman year.) You can also see an ancient version of my Roald Dahl site and a later incarnation that’s a little less crappy. Horrors! There’s even my first corporate web page job. I can’t believe anyone actually paid me for that.

Well, Amelie has finally made it to America, and right off the bat some idiot doesn’t get it. “Why does she lead him on a wild goose chase when she’s clearly crazy about him?” asks the Salon reviewer. That right there, to me, says everything about how profoundly this man misunderstood the film. I don’t know; maybe you boys just don’t get it. Haven’t you ever had a crush on someone so powerful that you couldn’t look them in the eyes? That you couldn’t speak when they were near? Amelie leads Nino on a “wild goose chase” because that’s the only thing she can do. She delights in strategems because they allow her to forget her loneliness. Amelie and Nino are both dreamers, and their games are the only way they can communicate with each other. If you are so cynical and worldly that you’ve forgotten these feelings, don’t bother going to the film. You’ll just ruin it for all the dreamers around you.