web-goddess

There’s an interesting argument taking place in my college newspaper‘s “Viewpoint” section this week. It’s about Johnny Walker Lindh, the American Taliban fighter. This guy is calling for leniency in Lindh’s sentencing. Whereas this guy not only thinks Lindh should be executed, he thinks his father should be executed as well. (I almost thought the second guy was being satirical at first, but now I’m pretty sure he’s being sincere. He even called the previous guy’s letter “liberal garbage.” ND sure churns out some nutballs.)

Hmmm. Slate’s got a good article about the Dvorak keyboard layout. You know, the one that puts the keys we actually use the most nearer to our fingers? (That’s the opposite of the QWERTY keyboard, which spreads everything out.) I actually tried to learn Dvorak once back in high school. I had already surpassed my keyboarding class in terms of speed and I was looking for a new challenge. My teacher tried to dissuade me, saying that it’s like trying to become expert at playing two different musical instruments. Eventually I gave up when it started impacting my QWERTY speed. But this article has revived the idea in my mind. Why shouldn’t I give it another shot now? I’m not working a desk job, so the learning curve shouldn’t hurt me. I think I’m gonna try.

Another victory! Oh, we didn’t win the Trivia tonight (again). But I did manage to win two of the “free jug of beer” competitions. The first involved identifying a filmmaker, which I correctly deduced was Quentin Tarantino before twenty other people. The second was called “heads or tails”, where you have to stand and put your hands on your head or your bum. The quizlady flips a coin, and if she gets your sign, you’re still in. And I was the last one in the bar standing! I never win anything!

Hooray! I just got an e-mail from a theater company in Sydney who want me to help them out with a show. It’s non-paid, of course, but at least it’s a reason to get out of the house. I called the Producer back and I’m gonna go see a read-through next week. The show is apparently about the adult film industry (hi, Mom!) and it’ll run throughout Sydney’s Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras festival in March. It looks like I’d be helping out with props, set design, and publicity. How awesome is that?

You know, sometimes when you go to the gym mad, you just come out madder. Tonight’s list of complaints:

• The ladies’ locker room has a fat mirror in it. You women know what I’m talking about. The kind that makes you look bulgy in all the wrong places when you look in it. It’s right near the door, too, so I see it right at the beginning and end of my workout. The damn thing is so distorted it should be in a Funhouse. It’s not a very inspiring sight.
• I had to rearrange my usual routine because some scary woman was monopolizing the inner thigh adductor machine. You know, the one where your legs are spread way out. Except she wasn’t actually using it; she was just sitting in it. Spread-eagled. Like she was at the gynecologist.
• My left ear is mutant. It’s freakishly small. My new iPod earbuds were too big and kept falling out, so I got some of those sporty ones that curve over the back of your ear. They fit fine on my right ear. They do not fit fine on my left ear. In fact, they stay in for about two seconds before popping out. Can you get plastic surgery on an ear??
• I wish fitness results were correlated to how red and sweaty one’s face gets. I’d be the frickin’ Queen of that place.
• I’m not a gym size-ist. In fact, I think less healthy individuals (and I include myself in that group) should almost have priority on the equipment. However, when you’re so big that you literally have to squeeze into a piece of equipment, perhaps you shouldn’t be using it just yet. Yes, big fat man in a little T-shirt, I’m talkin’ to you. That abdominal machine will never be the same.
• Every time I swear I won’t check my weight, and I always do. And it makes me so mad! It keeps moving up and down. One day I’ll lose a pound, the next I’ll gain it back with interest. What the hell am I doing this for?

Whew. I feel better now that’s off my chest.

More proof that I need to get a job: I just spent two hours reading all of this season’s Friends scripts. Pathetic.

“It says ‘I Choo-choo-choose You,’ and there’s a picture of a train!”

Since some people have been asking about it, once again I present to you my Simpsons Valentine. (Note: It’s a ZIP file, so you’ll have to unzip it to get the image.) It’s the one Lisa gave to Ralph Wiggum in a memorable episode. I made it for Snookums last year since he’s a big fan. A kind person on alt.tv.simpsons provided me with a screenshot, which I painstakingly cleaned up and enlarged. Feel free to print it out and give it to your honey.

Please note: Last year I had a lot of problems with people sourcing this image directly off my servers. Please don’t do this! I have no problem with you linking to my site (in fact, I encourage it!), but if you actually want the image to appear on your page, please upload it to your own webspace so you’re not sucking my precious bandwidth. I’ll be watching the server logs very closely to make sure everybody’s playing fair.

This is getting ridiculous. Now there’s a tropical cyclone named after me.

To counteract the effects of the decadent Italian dinner I had last night, I am declaring today to be a “detox” day. Fruit, veg, and lots of water, and that’s it. Wish me luck.

Accomplishment: Tonight at dinner, for the first time in my life I managed to tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. Yeah, baby.