Some tips for your prospective European travelers: never ever assume you can plan a last-minute trip to Dublin. You can’t. You may be able to get a cheap flight, but you’ll have nowhere to stay. That’s doubly true when you’re an idiot and you plan your trip for the same weekend as a hometown World Cup qualifying match. To get on with the story though, Rodd and I eventually found a place and headed off to the land of Ireland to sample some stout and hear some English-bashing for a change.

Our flight left London at 6:40 a.m. Saturday morning (yes, that sucked) and touched down in Dublin just about an hour later. As we were tired and it was spitting down rain, we decided to be decadent and just catch a taxi to our overpriced hotel. The guy who stopped for us, Joe, was the most insane Irishman I’ve ever met (and that includes four years at this university). Once he ascertained that neither of us were British, he let loose with a tirade against the English that would curl your hair. He had this curious habit of interjecting “Please, God!” into sentences that had nothing to do with the Almighty. For instance, he gave us his mobile number so we could call him to pick us up on Monday. “So here it is, and – Please God! – you just call me on Sunday night and tell me what time to be there. Just call it anytime – Please God! – and ask for Joe. Don’t be gettin’ any other taxi – Please God! – because they’ll just cheat you…” It was nuts. Anyway, we managed to get to the hotel and drop off our stuff before heading out into the city.

Our first stop was preordained. The Snook was like a pilgrim nearing the end of his journey. Thus at 10:30 a.m. in the morning, we entered the hallowed grounds of the Guinness brewery.

Can you see the excitement? He was already drafting the celebratory e-mail to his buddies back home in his head.

I’d actually already been to the Brewery three years ago when I was studying in London. I was surprised to find that they’d completely redone the visitor’s center though. Instead of the “Hopstore”, you now go around the corner to the Storehouse. It’s a lot bigger; it’s architecturally dazzling; and it’s got three pubs in the top. Sweet.

Here’s Snookums watching some Guinness commercials in the “Advertising” section. To be honest, I thought that the old museum had a lot more information. This new version had lots of multimedia and flashiness, but you didn’t get as many cold hard facts. It was more designed to promote the brand and get you to buy stuff in the shop than to celebrate Guinness’s long history.

One of the floors had an exhibit called “Home” where you were supposed to leave a card saying where you were from and what “Home” meant to you. (What that has to do with Guinness stout is beyond me.) Nobody did that, of course. People just left messages saying who they were and where they were from. Some people got creative. This one was our favorite.

No, I didn’t take this picture. It’s a view of the Storehouse from above. That little round glassed-in bit at the top is the “Gravity Bar”. When you buy your ticket to the museum you get this weird little clear plastic paperweight with a bubble of Guinness trapped inside. It’s also got a magnetic strip thingy on it that you swipe at one of the bars to redeem your free pint. We’d been instructed by Joe (the taxi driver) to go straight up to the Gravity Bar for the best views in Dublin. It didn’t disappoint.

Snookums enjoys his first pint of Guinness straight from the source. There were so many people in the Bar that we couldn’t sit, but it was still a great place to be.

Here I catch the Snook with a Guinness mustache. Doesn’t that look like it could be from a commercial? I seriously think this is my favorite shot from the trip. I should send it to the company to see if they want to use it in their advertising. 🙂

We left the Guinness brewery, like, four hours later laden with purchases from the gift shop. Next we headed for “Dublinia” and Christ Church Cathedral. Dublinia is this walk-through exhibit with lots of mannequins and things to play with. It’s supposed to teach you about medieval Dublin, but we just thought it was fun. Here’s us posing out in the courtyard. (That’s actually two separate pictures that I joined through the magic of Photoshop.)

“None shall pass!” Look out, it’s the Black Knight! See, I told you it was a fun place. I love the fact that you can just see one eye peeking out. Dublinia is connected to Christ Church Cathedral, so we went there next. It’s a church. A big old one. What can I say? We were getting tired. So we headed back to the hotel for a nap before dinner.

Okay, I didn’t take this one either. But on the way back to the hotel I totally saw Pete Postlethwaite walking down Dame Street! I swear to God. He walked right past us and Snookums was talking about something but I just froze up completely until we passed and then I elbowed him and was like, “OhmygodthatwasPetePostlethwaite.” And he’s like, “What?” And I’m like, “It totally was. He just went into the building.” So we stood there for about five seconds, wondering what one is supposed to do when one spots a celebrity. Suddenly we realized we were being stupid though, so we turned and continued up the street.

For dinner we headed down into the Temple Bar area. This is the part of Dublin just south of the River Liffey that’s sorta the “Soho” of town. The bars were all packed with people still celebrating Ireland’s 4-0 victory over Cyprus that day. Snookums and I weren’t interested in more beer though, just food. And I knew right where to get it.

My friend Erin Fair had a poster from the Bad Ass Café on her dorm room wall all through college, and I always wanted to eat there. So that’s where we went. It’s a big, friendly, pizza-steaks-and-beer type of place. And apparently Sinead O’Connor worked there when she was just starting out. That concludes the music trivia portion of the photos.

In fact, that concludes our first day. We got up fairly early on Sunday to see as much as we could before the promised rain hit. The first item on the day’s agenda was the famous Viking Splash Tour. (Joe had strongly urged us to do this one as well.)

Isn’t that cool? It’s a reconditioned World War II amphibious vehicle called a “DUKW” (pronounced “Duck”). The idea is that the guy drives you all around Dublin telling you about the ancient Viking settlement, and then you drive straight into the Grand Canal for a short water ride as well. I couldn’t wait.

Oh yeah, it’s Kris the Red. Most of the people on our tour bought the hats as well (just so you don’t think I was the only one looking stupid). Snookums, however, refrained.

The Viking tour leaves near the famous St. Patrick’s Cathedral, which is where Jonathan Swift is buried. I took this picture while waiting for everybody to get strapped into the DUKW.

Our tour guide, as you can see, was dressed as a Viking. He taught us all how to do a Viking war shout (sort of an “ARRRRRRRRRRRHHHHH!”) that he would lead us in whenever we passed a big group of tourists. The little kids (and I) really liked it.

Our tour guide informed us that the DUKW weighs over 9 tons, and “it doesn’t have power steering”. We drove all over Dublin in that monstrosity. Here we are crossing the Liffey near The Four Courts. Dublin’s got some lovely architecture.

Before the water portion of the trip we had to stop and put on lifejackets. Snookums was a little worried that he’s be seasick, but he soon realized how silly that was. Given how heavy the thing was and how slow it traveled, we barely moved at all.

So here we are puttering around the Grand Canal Basin. The tour guide told me that the wheels of the thing keep turning, even when it’s in the water and the propeller’s going. It’s so that if you hit a low spot, you can just drive right over the top of it. The army used ’em to deploy troops.

This ranks up there with the most unflattering photos I’ve ever had taken in my life. I was having fun though, so I thought I’d share.

After the boat we headed towards Trinity College to see the famous Book of Kells (again, under Joe’s orders). The weather was getting a bit nasty by this point. Here’s Snookums crossing the main quad.

The Book of Kells, in case you don’t know, is an ancient manuscript that consist of the four gospels in Latin. It’s breathtakingly illustrated and, as Joe told us, “It is history.” A point that I’m afraid was lost on the several screaming babies sharing the exhibit with us. Why can’t people NOT bring children to inappropriate places? *sigh* Anyway, here are some websites where you can see more pages from the book.

By the time we left Trinity is was pouring rain. Seriously, rain like I’ve never seen in my life. We’d planned on visiting the Jameson Distillery, but the weather killed that idea. As a last resort to keep dry, we ducked into a movie theater and saw “Moulin Rouge.” Alas, it was still pouring when we got out more than two hours later.

So we ended up here. Yes, Eddie Rocket’s. A 1950’s American-style hamburger joint staffed entirely by young Asians. It was across the street from “AbraKEBABra”, which – according to the sign – served “Magic Food.” It was a surreal experience. At any rate, here we are, damp and happy, downing chili dogs and french fries. Isn’t Snookums a sweetie?

And that’s it, folks. We headed back to the hotel to hang our wet pants on the radiator to hopefully dry by morning. Then I called Joe as promised – Please God! – to come pick us up the next morning. Thus at 5:30 a.m. we found ourselves whizzing through Dublin on the way to the airport and London. A good trip, but a wet and tiring one as well.

The End