This Ask MetaFilter question about the way we define our relationship with food really struck home for me. Parts of the question (and the ensuing comments) could have been written by my subconscious. I know for a fact that when I was most successful with Weight Watchers, I was thinking about food *constantly*. It was something I focussed on nearly every minute of the day. I also know that the reason I’ve put back on a little bit weight in the past few months (and the reason I’ve stopped going to WW) is because I got tired of maintaining that focus. I got tired of tracking every bit of food. I got tired of taking special dishes to potluck dinners so I could avoid everyone else’s fatty (and delicious) contributions. I got tired of denying myself things. Of course, none of this is how it’s supposed to work. WW was supposed to help me deal with these underpinning emotional issues so that I wouldn’t have to obsess about food. But instead it became just another test, a system that I could game by being clever. So while I’d say WW was successful in getting off the weight, it didn’t help me deal with why I had gained it in the first place. (And yes, I realize completely that going back to Atkins is just grasping for another set of rules I can manipulate.) I dunno. That anonymous poster got me thinking. Maybe I need to try an entirely different approach…
Max
March 7, 2007 — 9:47 pm
Whoa, Kris–I had totally missed that “back on Atkins” thing in your previous post. I say do whatever you think works, but I just can’t get into broadly restrictive plans like that. (Plus, I’m sorry…I love cake.) I’ve put on a few ell-bees since my glory days of last fall as well–a single-digit gain, thank goodness, but still enough to make me feel bad about myself (and make me really focused again right now on getting them off). As for the actual topic of this post, I joke about my “food issues” all the time, but of course that’s only because I’d really like to NOT address them, even though there’s clearly something going on in my head/psyche that makes me binge or fixate on scale numbers or exercise until I puke (sometimes literally) or secretly eat, you know? I could probably use a good OA meeting or two, that’s for sure.
Don’t you love how I allegedly hate to talk about my food issues, but then will leave the world’s longest comment about them? 🙂
Kris
March 7, 2007 — 11:08 pm
Thanks for the comment, Max. I think it really helps to know I’m not the only crazy food person out there. 🙂
Yeah, it’s Atkins at the moment just because I really needed to break out of a rut in a dramatic way, and we’re still pretty familiar with how it works. I’m also starting to realize that breads and starchy foods are my evil trigger foods, the things that I can binge and binge on without feeling full til it’s way too late. I need to break that cycle big time. (Plus the Snook has a weird new theory that he has coeliac disease, so cutting out wheat/gluten for a while is a good way to test it.)
But the Metafilter question just reminded me of how much I still really don’t have a good grip on these issues. I felt like a bit of a fraud receiving my Lifetime Membership award at WW and talking to the other members about what I’d learned, when secretly I knew that I hadn’t really changed anything deep or fundamental about myself at all. And then when I idly surfed over to the OA site today… I found myself answering “yes” to a disturbing number of the questions.
Marci
March 8, 2007 — 2:37 am
You know this already, but you’re definitely not alone. I answered “yes” to almost all of those questions, Kris. I have a huge problem with binge, compulsive, and emotional eating. I know what it takes to lose weight and maintain it, but I feel very overwhelmed and angry when I think about it. So I eat more. It’s a stupid, vicious circle, and I’m trying to break away from it.
Tricia
March 8, 2007 — 2:41 am
I was going to make a comment about how of course you’re not the only one with crazy food issues, and then I remembered how I always thought that you must not have had any since you seemed to lose weight so easily with WW or Atkins. “She must have just not knows what to eat, not had those crazy mind-body issues that I have,” I thought.
I think that it’s more common than we think to have these issues. Sometimes I feel very healthy emotionally (and physically) about the role that food plays in my life and other times much less so. And when I’m in one place it’s hard to remember exactly what they other place felt like.
I could probably write for a very long time about this, but wanted to send the message that you’re not alone.
Oh, and I don’t know if WW has the “core” program over there, but I found that it’s a good way to eat carbs that aren’t triggers (like you can eat oatmeal and peas but not bread or sugar on the plan). Seemed very healthy and sensible.
Bex
March 8, 2007 — 2:08 pm
You know, Fin was telling me about OA (he’s been to AA) and was explaining that its not all about ‘fat’ people and people talking about how they obsess about food. He said its almost like a group counselling session. And you dont have to say anything if you dont want to – you just can listen to other people. I can honestly say I have considered going. Hmm, so maybe this is the Universe reminding me that i should go hehe