The true test of a relationship.
I’ve been thinking about cohabitation, and how my sister is thinking about moving in with her fiancé before they get married. I remember that she once told me that the real test of a relationship is being able to admit you poo. If you can discuss your bowels with a person, you know they’re a keeper. (That’s her theory, anyway.) Well, I think I’ve discovered another test: the application of panty hose. Guys see girls in stockings and think only of the sexy end result. They have no idea what kinds of calisthenics are necessary for the average woman to squeeze her thighs into those torture devices. Not only are they extremely slippery, they’re also fragile and expensive so you’re constantly worrying that you’re going to tear the damn things. All mystery is removed. If a guy can watch you spend ten minutes struggling with an undergarment and still tell you you look great afterwards (as the Snook did with me), you might as well get married.
Any other tests you can think of? I know for a lot of girls it’s letting the guy see them without any make-up (not a problem in my case). Informing a guy of your menstrual cycle can also be a pretty big step. In junior high I couldn’t even eat in front of a boy that I liked. (Again, not an issue nowadays.) What have been your big relationship milestones?
Mia
May 17, 2004 — 6:06 pm
I’ve got many that I’ve experienced with Lovey: the casual discussion of my menstrual cycles, burping in front of him, wearing acne cream to bed, going all day Sundays without a shower, singing in front of him, taking a shower with him, and – the biggie – telling him where I see myself in 5 and 10 years. All of those may seem rather small, but I’ve never done any of those in front of a single person, much less in front of the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
Kris
May 17, 2004 — 6:28 pm
HA! Acne cream, I can’t believe I forgot that one. Those are all great (and it sounded so sweet)! I discussed this with a gay friend today and he suggested that shaving is a big one for him. He’d never let a guy see him other than clean-shaven at the start of a relationship. Oddly, the Snook did not have this hang-up with me. 🙂
stefanie
May 17, 2004 — 6:53 pm
bathroom door open — not something I regularly do, however the issue was forced when we went to a B&B with the toilet sort-of in the room itself, with only half a wall separating it, rather than a door. Option was going into the restaurant, or going in front of each other! We managed to get through it without undue embarassment… very big step…
Kris
May 17, 2004 — 7:07 pm
Whoa, that’s huge! We stayed in a room in Glasgow with a *very* thin door, but we’ve never gone door-less. I’m impressed.
Claire
May 17, 2004 — 8:16 pm
Yeah, the make-up thing used to be big. Now I try and let new guys see me with no makeup early on, so they know what they’re up against 🙂
But farting is still an awkward one 🙂
amy
May 17, 2004 — 10:32 pm
vomiting in the car.
miftik
May 17, 2004 — 11:32 pm
Getting the chicken pox at 22 and him not wanting to kill or leave me during the month I was stuck in the house. I was also sick with the flu and an ear infection before and during it, so I know I was difficult to live with.
We haven’t had a test of the bathroom door open/not there.
Kris
May 17, 2004 — 11:35 pm
I’ve vomited in the car. Unfortunately it was my sister with me, not the Snook. And yeah, she’s scarred for life.
Mia
May 17, 2004 — 11:48 pm
Oh yeah, I forgot. Thin bathroom door, so we both hear EVERYTHING. I used to find it ackward listening to him, when one day I realized that i wasn’t Miss Mary Quiet either. That’s when I “grew up” about it.
I asked Neil what his big moments were. He said, “When I got my LASIK. And sleeping.” The LASIK was horrible – not the surgery, but the staff. As for the sleeping, I had no idea what he meant. But apparently he’d slept with girls, but had never SLEPT with them. I do remember the first few nights were kind of ackward – he would sleep all the way on one side with his back to me. But slowly, he succumbed to the spooning. =)
brigita
May 17, 2004 — 11:49 pm
i’d have to say that puking out a cab door in front of The Mister (and the next day’s crippling hangover) was one of the lower points of our cohabitational period, but burping, farting and going #1 in front of each other are all part of our daily routine these days. because i’m not so girly and have boundary issues (as in they’re few and far between).
jai
May 18, 2004 — 12:09 am
Best advice I ever got: don’t have sex with someone unless you’d also be willing to give them a pedicure. I haven’t had sex since.
Frances
May 18, 2004 — 3:40 am
I think horomonal changes are a true test. this is obviously not something most of us can control, but when my horomones started going haywire, my mood, words, emotions, and even my body were CRAZY I tell ya! I have learned that horomones control everything and we have no control over them. When they get a bit frizzled, the man can freak a little if he doesnt really love ya.
Tricia
May 18, 2004 — 5:39 am
I think that it’s a little bigger than the bodily function bit. Basically, when you live with someone, you eventually let down any facades that you have and show those sides of yourself that you may not really like to admit, even to yourself. That might be a make-up free face, or the fact that you actually use the toilet, or are cranky before coffee, or will eat anything with sugar or hydrogonated fats when stressed out, or say catty things about your friends when you’re jealous, or that you dropped the ball on that project at work and it’s not your boss’ fault that you had a bad performance review, or that you are irresponsible about your finances and let the credit card balance get out of control. Those are only hypothetical examples, of course. 😉
I don’t think that there is any specific test for anyone (I’ve decided that a closed door bathroom policy is best for me regardless of relationship stage). Maybe it’s when you realize that there are things about your partner that you really don’t like (beyond that ancient ugly t-shirt), but accept, and know that your parter has done the same for you.
Kris
May 18, 2004 — 8:20 am
The pedicure one is brilliance, y’all. Feet are a definite hurdle.
aim
May 18, 2004 — 11:12 am
What’s up with Tricia just describing me in that first paragraph?! 🙂
And Kris, I totally agree with you on the pantyhose thing! I feel like a big ol’ pair of sausages and usually try to hurry right into my skirt in the morning, but he’s always there with a kiss, saying, “What’s the hurry?” That’s when you know he’s adorably blind and you’ve got him for good.