How to Piss Me Off
Me: So I was talking to this guy at knitting the other day–
Jerk: Was he gay?
Me: Excuse me?
Jerk: Was the guy gay?
Me: Why in the world is that relevant to the story?
Jerk: I’m just curious!
Me: Well, how in the world would I know if he’s gay?
Jerk: Come on.
Me: As I don’t plan on having sex with him anytime soon, I consider it to be NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
What is it with people? Am I the only one that thinks this question is one of the rudest things to ask somebody? (Unless you’re trying to pick them up, that is.) I wouldn’t ask a new acquaintance how much money they make or how much they weigh. Why is it socially acceptable to ask who they sleep with? GAHHHHHHH. (Not to mention the implication that all men who knit are homosexual. DOUBLE GAAHHHHHHH.)
jussi
November 14, 2006 — 10:41 am
Good to know, i put that in my list.
M-H
November 14, 2006 — 2:36 pm
Heh heh. They would never ask you that of a *woman* who was at knitting. Sometimes over half the women at SSK are lesbians/dykes/queer/whatever.
Kris
November 14, 2006 — 4:17 pm
Good point, M-H.
I should’ve answered the question: “No, but his boyfriend is.” 🙂
Becca
November 14, 2006 — 8:59 pm
I go to one of the most accepting schools in NSW (or at least I like to think so) and when people hear I knit they go funny, so I’m not suprised to hear that guys get it.
As one of my good friends said when he was coming out ‘You never had to tell everyone you were heterosexual, so why should I have to admit I’m gay?’, which to me sums up the attitudes. We talk about being accepting, and we just plain aren’t. Doesn’t help that my generation (which I promise isn’t that seperate from yours oh young and funky Kris!) is reverting back to stereotypes more than anything, even among the crowds in Newtown.
Ah, me.
Snoskred
November 15, 2006 — 11:35 am
I’m trying to visit as many of the NaBloPoMo blogs as I can and I thought I’d say hi, I liked your blog.. 🙂 Well let’s face it, the jerk probably thought “Hmm.. picking girls up at knitting, yeah that could work. But knitting is a girly thing. Could I pretend to be interested in knitting to pick up a chick? Hmm, probably not, I’m not that coordinated. Could any guy do that? I don’t think so. The guy must be gay then..”
I don’t know, I’m not a guy.. but that seems to be somewhat representative of how they think sometimes.. 🙂
Kris
November 15, 2006 — 1:09 pm
Hi Snoskred! Thanks for stopping by. I think you’re being too generous with your interpretation. This is the type of guy that thinks the idea of a man – any man – knitting is hilarious. There’s no way he’d consider it for himself.
tara d.
November 16, 2006 — 2:21 am
i don’t think it’s offensive at all. the CONTEXT was offensive. if it’s like – oh, he knits, is he a pansy? – then, yes. but if it was a descriptor, then absolutely not. it’s a part of our makeup. i personally believe that being gay is more than who you sleep with, so it’s not about who you go to bed with. it’s a descriptor – like, was he russian? was he blonde? to load the description of gay makes it bad, or insinuates it is, when it isn’t.
jussi
November 16, 2006 — 2:43 am
Nowadays many normal men are knitting (or crochet), so if you want to be an individual you are not knitting :-). That’s why I just start to work at naalbinding.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naalbinding
Kris
November 16, 2006 — 7:28 am
But are you suggesting that you can tell somebody’s gay just by *looking* at them, Tara D? See, I don’t like that argument. It scares me because I think if homophobic people think that all gay people are an obvious stereotype, then they can safely discriminate against them. But if it’s something you can’t tell – like your blood type or your religion – then you have to treat everybody the same. I just think that’s the safer, politer option. As far as I’m concerned, the only way to know for sure is to A) sleep with them or B) ask them.
Tricia
November 16, 2006 — 9:44 am
I was thinking about saying something similar to what Tara D. said, so thanks, TD.
And no, I don’t think she’s suggesting that you can tell by looking, which is why it IS okay to ask sometimes, just like you might ask someone what his or her religion or country of origin is. I’m assuming you don’t mind if someone asks if you’re from the U.S., Kris, as long as they’re not assuming that you fit whatever obnoxious stereotype they might have about Americans. Rather, if asked in the right context, it gives you the opportunity to talk about your family or where you grew up or things you miss and share something about yourself.
Okay, off the soap box now. 🙂
Kris
November 16, 2006 — 10:28 am
Really? You’d really put “Are you gay?” on the same level as “Where are you from?” I guess I’m just a little surprised. In my own mind, sexual preference is just something way more private than that. I can see the advantages of a world where it’s no more remarkable than your hair color, though. But in my experience, I can’t think of a single instance where I’ve heard someone ask “Are you gay?” without it being a loaded question. I’d liken it to asking: “Are you Jewish?” It can be perfectly innocent, but sadly it’s often not. And really, I just figure it’s none of my business unless I’m looking to pick up. 🙂
On a different note, I do sometimes get annoyed when people ask where I’m from. Since Sydney is a big tourist destination, I often get the impression that people are asking because they think I’m a rube. If I’m being cheeky, I usually answer: “Chippendale. Where are you from?”
Tricia
November 16, 2006 — 10:59 am
Not the exact same level, but similar in that it’s all about context. It’s probably closer to the level as the religion question, which is definitely one that I’ve asked. I’m not sure if I’ve ever asked someone if she or he is gay, but usually by the time I’m friendly enough with someone that it would be appropriate to ask, I’d already know the answer.
Kris
November 16, 2006 — 11:04 am
Right. And I have been asked whether a significant proportion of male knitters are gay by people who are just genuinely curious. I think that’s an interesting question worthy of discussion. In the conversation above though, I can state unequivocably that the asker was just being a big jerk. There’s no need for context when the asker has a giant blinking “OMG – KNITTERS ARE TEH GAY!” sign over their head.
tara d.
November 20, 2006 — 8:17 am
The problem here for me lies that the question “are you gay?” seems unsafe for some reason. i, as a bisexual woman, have nothing to hide. so if someone asks me if i’m bisexual, then i say yes. if they ask me how many people i’ve slept with, THAT’S personal. but whom i’m attracted to isn’t a choice – and if it was, i wouldn’t care either, it’s just the way i’m wired. i have brown eyes, i am a woman, i am a comedian, i am italian, etc. i just think it infers shame to think it’s not okay to ask.
to be completely frank, i think it’s one step behind to think it’s a bad question. it’s more than who you go to bed with to be gay.