One-Woman Etiquette Crusades That I Am Currently Pursuing:
- Bus Panickers. If I’m sitting in the outside seat on the bus and the person beside me starts making “get up” signals five minutes before my stop, I smile and say, “Oh, I’m getting off there too” and then make them wait til the bus comes to a complete stop. Eventually someone’s going to pee themselves from anxiety, I just know it. People, you won’t get trapped on the bus!
- Anti-Social Bus Sitters. If someone is sitting in the outside seat on the bus (leaving the inside empty or, god forbid, sitting their bag there), I make sitting beside them a PRIORITY. We’re not in elementary school anymore; you have to share. Make room for other people!
- Door Cloggers. If four people are standing at the back door of the bus, leaving the whole back end empty while others are crammed against the windshield, I’ll call out sweetly, “Can you move to the back please?” And if they don’t, I’ll pointedly push my way through and then give them a dirty look. Again, you won’t get trapped on the bus.
- Public Spitters. It’s always men. It’s DISGUSTING. I give them pointed dirty looks.
- Cigarette Butt Droppers. Again, disgusting. There are trash cans with ash trays, like, every fifty feet in the city. Use them. I currently give these people dirty looks, but I can see it escalating as I get older. I’ll probably end up brandishing their smoking butt in their faces. Use the trash can!
- Escalator Hogs. It’s gotten to the point where I actually relish seeing two people standing abreast on the escalator, so that I can exclaim “Excuse me!” while barreling past. The sign says to stand to one side. Obey it.
- Golf Umbrellas. Please go outside and put up your umbrella. If you hold one arm straight out to the side, are you still within the boundaries of your umbrella? If so, YOU ARE A BLIGHT ON SOCIETY. You make it impossible for people with normal umbrellas to walk past you on the sidewalk. And unless you’re tall as well, you’re probably whacking tall people in the face with spokes as you obliviously stroll to work in your own personal environmental bubble. Your right to remain dry stops when I have to walk in the street to get around your stupid, inappropriately large umbrella. For these people, I look pointedly at their umbrella, roll my eyes, and then give them a dirty look. Maybe I should wiggle my pinkie at them?
Yes, I realize I’m turning into a Grumpy Old Woman. But dammit, we’re trying to have a society here!
amy
October 18, 2007 — 5:45 pm
oh yeah, the escalator people cheeze me off. Can I add one to your list? People who clip their nails in public! jeez, its just RUDE!
Kris
October 18, 2007 — 10:42 pm
Ah, good one! Or horrendous one, rather. What fate shall we inflict upon them?
stefanie
October 18, 2007 — 11:01 pm
Even worse I think – those who paint their nails in confined public spaces… I’ve had this happen to me on plane, bus, train… UGH. (Yep, I joined the Grumpy Old Women club ages ago when every tube ride started to be invaded by that one person with headphones up to 11)
Kris
October 18, 2007 — 11:14 pm
I’ve never seen someone paint their nails in public here. Maybe Australia has yet to suffer from this blight. I did, however, have the “pleasure” tonight of standing in line at the grocery store behind some idiot with an iPod. Not that musical shopping is bad; I do that too sometimes. But we were standing in the Express queue, which feeds into six difference cashiers. And they’re continually yelling out “Next, please!” And if you’re still wearing your stupid headphones at that point, YOU CAN’T HEAR THEM and I have to poke you in the back with a Hawaiian pizza and point to the open cashier like an idiot.
SlythErin
October 18, 2007 — 11:53 pm
I was particularly annoyed at several of my colleagues tonight who were blocking the way to my locker after work. After three “Excuse mes” and a “Look, I want to get past” I ended up having to push past them with a “Don’t move when you’re asked or anything.”
I hate people sometimes.
M-H
October 19, 2007 — 4:32 am
I may be guilty of the bus panicker thing. If I have two bags and the bus is crowded I do worry about getting to the door in time to get off at my stop. I have had to yell to stop the bus after it pulled way once. But yeah, you’re right. I yelled and he stopped again and opened the door again and it wasn’t a big disaster.
M-H
October 19, 2007 — 4:33 am
And I forgot – welcome to the GOW club!
Aim
October 19, 2007 — 4:40 am
I’m glad you didn’t mention “Inappropriate Use of Strollers” on this list, as you may now understand that sometimes their use and/or abuse is, unfortunately, completely necessary! I haven’t taken Penn into an art museum or movie theatre in one before (that is an Unforgivable) but I do find that sometimes we’ve just gotta be annoying with that thing to get in and out of places quickly. It’s best for everyone that way! My big pet peeve has been at elevators (this even happened at my old doctor’s office) when a group of people gets on but leaves us standing there, waiting for the next lift. Don’t kids and elderly people always deserve to go to the front of the line? Sheesh.
brigita
October 19, 2007 — 6:19 am
I have to confess to being a public spitter, but only while running or biking hard outdoors. Apparently, I’m as phleghmy as I am sweaty. 😉
Add on for the escalator peeve–people who stop at the top. Unless you’re five and this is the first time you’ve ever been on an escalator, you know how these things work. Gah.
Repeat after me, GOWs: “Hey kids–GET OFF MY LAWN.”
Rich
October 19, 2007 — 6:49 am
Kris – Great post! I have to add one of my pet peeves – cell phones. While these marvels of modern technology serve a purpose, I hate having to hear the conversations of so many dopey people. Please find somewhere private to talk.
JulieB
October 19, 2007 — 8:04 am
You don’t catch the train much, do you Kris? There are plenty of public nail-polish appliers on there….
Kris
October 19, 2007 — 8:07 am
I haven’t noticed inappropriate stroller usage much lately, Aim. Maybe people in Sydney are getting better. I did, however, forget one of my BIGGEST pet peeves, which I’m now adding to the list. I can’t believe I forgot golf umbrellas!
Really, JulieB? I guess the bus must jiggle more or something.
Amy
October 19, 2007 — 9:56 am
Oh don’t get me started on the pram thing…the one that bugs me is when I see a parent waiting to safely cross the street and they stand on the kerb with the pram poking out into the street! Yes, INTO THE STREET. I see it all the time.
Jen
October 21, 2007 — 10:32 am
I agree with the umbrella thing – I think umbrellas are by nature a RUDE invention. Sure, the umbrella holder might be nice and dry, but where is all that water going? STRAIGHT INTO MY BACKPACK.