Libby Stock has a righteous rant in the SMH today about women taking their husband’s surnames. I just find it interesting. I didn’t really have any big political issue with the practice – like I did with marriage in general – but in the end, I just found it too weird to contemplate changing my name. It’s too much a part of who I am.
17 responses
my boss rang me the other day and asked me what my name would be after I get married and I said to him my name as it is Fiona D…….. I love the sock victim’s last name but I have been my name for so long professionally that it would be wierd to be someone else. It was funny that he assumed I would change my name….
Catherine Deveney from the Age wrote on that topic last year (http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2007/09/11/1189276715588.html) and my thoughts on the topic (http://www.insanitytheory.net/girlanachronism/2007/09/12/whats-your-name/) – I think there’s nothing wrong with changing your name, the problem comes with men/society having the expectation that a woman should change her name to her partners once they’re hitched.
My grandpa did the same. He was like, “What’s your last name now?” And I’m like, “Howard.” “No, NOW.” “HOWARD.” It just seems like a such a weird situation to be in, to have to have all your family and friends learn a new name. (It took YEARS before I was able to alphabetize my sister and my Mom under their married names. I still think of them as “Howard” in my head – which is funny, because that wasn’t even my Mom’s maiden name!)
It always shocks me
i’m surprised the standard for naming kids of parents with different surnames seems to be to go for the Dad’s, too.
My step-daughter takes her surname from her dad and her middle name from her mum. So she can choose her own identity when she wants.
I have been known professionally by my total name for so long it would not occur to me to change it.
I do recall that a former colleague had ber name changed for her in all her work systems whilst she was on her honeymoon by a female boss. She wasn’t impressed.
I kept my name all through my first marriage (despite one insurance company trying to insist that I had to change it as it would be “illegal” not to). When I married again and had to prove to the Aussie Government that it wasn’t a “marriage of convenience”, I changed it, as I was moving here and everything (bank/driving licence etc) had to be changed anyway. I took the coward’s way out and decided it would be easier to convince the Government this was a ‘real’ marriage if I changed my name. But having had my other name for over 50 years, it was (and still is) really difficult.
Call yourself whatever you want.
I’m surprised by the number of men who insist that their wives change their name. Very insecure men, I’d say. Find another one.
I kept my name but friends back home, and all my family now send post addressed to me with my husbands surname. I find it amusing, though I’d be put out if it happened on anything official.
Back in the UK all my married friends have taken their husbands name…
I think it’s very odd. I can’t imagine changing my name. It just isn’t me.
I know a rose is a rose but it matters to me.
My mom divorced my father when I was a toddler, and later remarried, changing not only her last name but mine also. The she turfed Husband #2 out when I was about 12. By the time I got engaged, I had already been dating my (future) husband longer than either one of my ‘fathers’ had been in my life, so why not take a new name?
With hindsight, I wish I’d changed my first name too! Why not?
The Boy wants me to take his name. I wouldn’t call him insecure though! He’s the first son of the first son (etc.) in a Greek family, so the name is important to him. It’s also an external signal that we’re “official”. So, for him I will do it. And, as an added bonus, I get to be the only JulieK in the world (his father anglicised the name when they came to Australia) 🙂
I have lots of friends who haven’t taken their husbands surnames, and I did. It was never really a question for me.
See, that’s why it’s weird! Because I think of you as JulieB! And it’s going to take me ages to switch over to JulieK.
Anecdote – I had a friend whose biological father abandoned the family when she was very young, so when her mother remarried she took her stepfather’s last name.
Years later, after her mother’s death, it was learned that her stepfather had been having an affair with her mother’s sister throughout her mother’s illness. So she went back to original jerk’s last name. I think she ought to have taken her mother’s maiden name – could you legally do that, I wonder?
Of course you can. If people can legally change their names to Luke Skywalker or whatever, you can take whatever surname you want. You might have to go to court to do it, but it’s definitely possible.
Taking someones name is not the same as changing it by deed poll. Using your husband’s surname is not the same as having it as your legal name. Have you noticed how mothers madien name is often asked when you are filling out forms. You are your registered name as when you are born. You may go under any other names you choose but the register of Bitrhs deaths and marriages has you as your registered name unless you change it with them. A marriage does not change your name with them but you choose to use another name, if you so wish. I have chosen not to as I have had a few marriages and could have a few more.
I think you’re right in Australia, Katie, but according to this, in certain locales in America (and possibly the UK) simply using a new name “consistently, openly and non- fraudulently” is enough to make it your legal name. So not everywhere is the same.
You’re right – in the UK, you can simply start using your husband’s last name after marriage, and it can become your legal name on any documentation you choose (driving license, passport, etc.) However, if you want to ADD your husband’s last name to the end of yours, eg, hyphenate, or make your previous last name your middle name (my plan, in an attempt to keep my heritage while at the same time building a family unit), you need to officially file a deed poll. Which is part of the reason I’ve taken so long to do so… I’ll get there eventually!
I’m glad you’re not losing yours completely, Stefanie. I always think of your fun and unusual surname when I think of you!