It’s bad enough that Americans get blamed for every cultural breakdown in Australia; now we’re responsible for a Halloween house egging. (Letter excerpt follows since that link will break tomorrow.) The gist is that some crotchety old fart put up a sign saying he didn’t want to participate in Halloween so a gang of teenagers egged his house. Somehow we Americans are to blame because the Australians kids were just “slavish[ly] copying … misunderstood American practices.” That ticked me off so much that I sent in my own response (which the Herald will no doubt neglect to print). It’s not my damn fault that Aussie kids don’t get the rules. I had to deal with a couple little jerks myself who A) weren’t wearing costumes, B) stole extra candy from me when I gave in to their pleas, and C) tried to run off with my pumpkin. There are bratty asshole kids everywhere. Complain about George Bush’s foreign policy if you will – heck, I’ll probably join you – but blaming every snotty Aussie kid’s behavior on American influence smacks of nothing more than xenophobia.Letter from The Sydney Morning Herald:

—————-
Not wanting to be a part of Halloween activities, our family put up a polite sign discouraging children from trying to beg treats. Upon reading this, a group of teenagers, not a Halloween costume in sight, proceeded to throw eggs at our house.

This confirmed our conviction that slavish copying of misunderstood American practices does nothing to enhance our society.

It is bad enough that we blindly follow America into unjustified military campaigns. Must we also submit to cultural colonialism?

A. Keating, Adamstown Heights, November 2.

At long last… Our Halloween Party Photos. It’s mostly just a bunch of people we know acting goofy. 🙂

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Everyone should start Halloween off with a disturbing sight, right? With that in mind, I give you the Penis Bear. Yes, click on that image and check out the close-up. I discovered Penis Bear earlier in the week when a co-worker pointed him out. There he was, sitting nonchalantly in the back window of a random beat up Ford. He’s been there ever since. I couldn’t resist sneaking up to take a photo. Who manufactures such a thing? Why is he uncircumsized? Who in my office is actually weird enough to drive around with this in their car? The world may never know.

I spent the morning working on the invitation for our upcoming Halloween Housewarming Party. Check it out:

Location and phone number blurred to frustrate would-be stalkers. Not that you’ll recognize me and the Snook in our super-duper top-secret costumes! (The pirate idea has fallen by the wayside.)

Can you believe I didn’t mention Halloween at all yesterday? Maybe that’s because it was a total non-event here. Seriously, I didn’t see a single person in costume. The Snook claims he saw some skanky chick in fairy wings down by the train station, but she probably dresses like that every day. (We get a lot of freaks in Newtown.) We celebrated by getting dressed up and going out for a nice Italian dinner around the corner at “Da Stefano’s”. You Days of Our Lives fans will appreciate my amusement. It was nice.

Check out these Halloween cookies my sister made! Scary bones and witches’ fingers. Maybe if we all ask very nicely, she’ll tell us how she did it…

How will you be celebrating Halloween this year? I’m feeling rather sad since it’s not really that big of a deal in Australia. They don’t even trick-or-treat! Apparently adults might have Halloween parties, but it’s pretty strictly limited to “scary” costumes (which takes a lot of the fun out of it, I think). I haven’t seen a *single* Halloween-themed item in the grocery store. No candy, no decorations, no pumpkins even! I might have to carve a squash just to satisfy my festive urge.

We had trick-or-treaters! Tiny British trick-or-treaters! I couldn’t believe it. We didn’t have them last year; they just appeared. Nick and Alex (the English guys) were supremely annoyed at the fact that London parents seem to be trying to imitate and kick-start this very American pasttime. I was just annoyed at the fact that they don’t know any of the “Trick-or-Treating Etiquette” that us Yanks know by heart. For example, in the U.S. kids know to only go to houses that are decorated and/or have their front porch lights on. Right? Well, since nobody decorates here parents were seriously just taking their kids around the neighborhood knocking on EVERY DOOR. Luckily when they hit us my sister happened to be working her way through the bag of Meijer bulk Halloween candy Mom sent us, so I was able to hand out a couple chocolate balls to each kid. But I can’t imagine that they found more than a couple houses willing and able to give them something. Also, the kids had TINY bags. Really, really small. Of course, since nobody was prepared for them, they didn’t really need big ones, but that’s beside the point. These kids need to learn the joys of carrying a pillowcase. And lastly, some idiot brought his kids to the door at, like, 9:30. By then all our candy was gone, and I’d thrown out my jack-o-lantern (since it was getting moldy anyway). So I had to tell the kids that I didn’t have anything for them. I just glared at the father. What kind of jerk drags them around to random houses that late? Seriously, I should go on TV and teach these Brits how it’s done.