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“He bit my balls!” Duuuude. An Aussie Rules Football player was suspended for ten games after pleading guilty to biting another player’s testicles during a match. That article is hilarious.

Tales From the Gym
I headed back to the gym today after about a week off. I know, I know. I’m a slacker. I’ve been blaming it on my allergies, which (in my defense) have been really bad. Anyway, Snookums finally kicked my ass out the door today for another round of physical misery.

• My nemesis was on the treadmill when I entered. She’s this tiny tiny girl with seventh-grade hair. I mean, she has hair that I would’ve killed for in seventh grade: long red spiral hair pulled back in a barrette, complete with pouffy bangs. I hate her. And get this – she doesn’t put it up in a ponytail or anything! She just leaves it down. What’s worse, she does nothing but run. She runs for, like, hours, in this ridiculously flouncy fashion, as if she weighed nothing at all but just liked to see her masses of hair bounce. Can you tell I’m gritting my teeth just thinking about her?
• Another big irrition: inappropriate male fashion choices. Today’s victim apparently thought he was Craig David or something. He was wearing orange 3/4-length pants, a tight black shirt, and an orange knit cap. Like, the kind you wear skiing. At the friggin’ gym. Whatever.
• The new attendant is really friendly. Too friendly. He started talking to me while I was working on the inner thigh machine. *shudder*

I’m slowly realizing that the money I spent on the gym membership might have been put to better use towards a treadmill for home. Other people annoy me too much.

If you fly frequently (or you have to take really long flights, like me), you might want to print out this page. It lists all the particular rows and seats on various airplanes that have more leg room than the other coach seats. Very helpful for tall girls like me.

New Poll: What’s your verdict on ol’ Spook Tooth? You know, I honestly don’t know where I got that phrase from. I think it’s one of my sister’s. At any rate, I’m referring to “Jewel”, the singer-songwriter-poet (and crappy horse rider). As my college roommates can attest, I’ve had an irrational hatred of her for many years now. Am I the only one?

Let me see if I get this straight: Jewel (the singer) had to cancel several performances because she got thrown off a horse and broke her collarbone. She was going to debut her new single, “Break Me”. Seriously. I think she just did it for the publicity. 🙂

That reminds me of Clem Snide, the band that opened for Ben Folds last week. We only caught the end of their set, but we liked what we heard. My favorite part was the singer’s introduction to “Moment in the Sun”. He claimed that he was trying to channel Jewel through the song, “during that living-in-a-van phase”. I laughed and laughed. I’ve never been a big Jewel fan. The spook tooth scares me.

Holeee crap. Have you checked out my Recent Search Requests page lately? Katrina got evicted last night, and I’m #5 with a bullet on Google’s results list. Great. I don’t have any porn, people!

Some greenies at my alma mater tried to set a world record for tree hugging. I kid you not.

Woohoo! While looking up movie times online today, Snookums discovered that tickets are currently on sale in Sydney for Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. Six hours later, I had a pair of them for the very first midnight showing in my hand. I admit I’m kinda bummed that we won’t get to camp out, but the fact that I’ll see it fourteen hours before you chumps in the Eastern Hemisphere more than makes up for it! 🙂

Cool! I just realized that Claire has a new blog. The world needs more snarky Aussie bloggers. And not only has she linked me, she’s linked my Dahl page! As she is brilliant and funny, I have returned the favor.

This is the coolest thing ever. A southern Indiana man built his own roller coaster out of scrap metal. It even goes upside-down! This guy sounds like my dad. 🙂 (Link courtesy of John.)