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I feel bad for the Countess of Wessex, but what did I say yesterday? It’s all about propriety. The English don’t care if their Royal Family are mad as hatters, as long as they don’t make it obvious in public. Poor Sophie was just the victim of some spectacularly bad judgment.

“CBS Says Fox’s ‘Boot Camp’ Is ‘Survivor’ Rip-Off.” Well, duh. The only thing funnier than that title is a quote from an unnamed CBS insider about the lawsuit the network is filing: “This is a serious attempt to stop anyone, both now and in the future, from ripping off the family jewels.” Do you think he meant to say that?!

Mike, the party’s over. Nobody wants to see you come back and make a fool out of yourself. Take up fishing or something.

Dear All Other Countries (But Especially China), I’m sorry about my stupid f***ing president. Yours truly, Kristine Howard.
 
Are you sorry? Do you wish to apologize “in the name of our soulless nation and leader”? Visit this site. I’m #1785.

Some crazy “wanderer” damaged the Liberty Bell with a hammer. The loonies always ruin everything.

I think the American press is actually more interested in Sophie Rhys-Jones’s comments about the Royal Family than the British are. I mean, I’ve read over what she supposedly said and I pretty much agree with all of it. Tony Blair is very presidential. Cherie Blair is a horrid woman. (An irreverant late-night fake news program portrays her very accurately as an animated frog.) William Hague does look deformed. Nobody would be surprised if Charles married Camilla after the Queen Mum dies. The British don’t care exactly what she said; it’s that she said it at all. The higher your class, the less you talk about yourself. The whole concept of her babbling away to a “sheik” (a disguised tabloid reporter) about sensitive family issues just smacks of the lower classes. As an American, I found this British attitude very difficult to understand at first. Unfortunately I seem to be absorbing it unconsciously… I can’t define the class structure for you, but I can definitely sense when it’s been violated.

I was all set to comment on my new-found respect for Jay Leno (who apparently called Giuliani a “fascist” on TV) but I was diverted by the phrase “National Ethnic Coalition of Organizations” in the story. Isn’t that a bit redundant? Shouldn’t it just be the “National Ethnic Coalition”? I mean, why do they feel they need to specify? As a self-proclaimed Grammar Nazi (Hey! Giuliani and I have something in common!), I have very little patience for bad writing.

Here are three characters… Can you spot the one that’s French? If you guessed the one in the middle, you’re right. (That’s Obiwan and Tigger on top of my computer monitor at work, flanking eMan the crazy-haired Frenchman.)

Joy of joys! Did I mention that I have the BEST boyfriend in the world? While I was running around Chinatown trying to find cabbage, Snookums was tramping around north London with Wee Ben looking for computer parts. I caught up with them in the Trocadero and Snookums handed me a big bag with a present in it: Star Wars: Episode 1 Monopoly! How cool is that? I geeked out big time. So while I was at home, ooh-ing and ahh-ing over my new toy, he put another bag on my lap. It was Mac OSX. He got me OSX! Isn’t he the best? (If an operating system doesn’t sound like a very romantic gift, you’re obviously running Windoze.) I haven’t had time to get it installed yet, what with the egg rolls and all, but I’m hoping to find time early this week. I’ll let you know how it goes…

Korean Feast Update: Well, I couldn’t find the red lettuce, but I got everything else. The worst part was finding “napa cabbage,” which is a very long and leafy green Oriental cabbage. I was sure they had it in Chinatown, but the Chinese of course call it something different. Eventually I found an ancient little shopkeeper lady who was able to point it out to me. Sweet. So now the bulgogi’s in the fridge marinating and all the egg rolls are prepared and ready to fry. Being a domestic goddess is hard work.