Apparently my Grumpy-Old-Womanness does have its limits. I was serving a real G.O.W. in the shop this morning when, apropos of nothing, she decided to share some outrage with me.
Me: Just the single skein? That’ll be $1.20, thanks.
Old Lady: I was just walking up York Street, in front of the Grace Hotel, and I passed a man and a woman walking. And he was very tall, and she was very small. And he had his hand RIGHT DOWN HER BACKSIDE! Right down there! I couldn’t believe it!
Me: (just holding my hand out for the money)
Her: So I slapped him on the wrist! I told him that his behaviour was DISGUSTING, and that he should get a room, and how would he like it if that was his daughter, and someone was FIDDLING WITH HER PRIVATE PARTS in public? Don’t you think that’s appalling?
Me: Well… I can think of worse things. I mean, I find spitting or littering in public really annoying because they directly affect me… but two people who are in love…
Her: HE WAS FIDDLING WITH HER PRIVATE PARTS.
Me: I get that, and I’d probably go home that day and say, “You wouldn’t believe what I saw this morning,” but I don’t think it’s the worst thing.
Her: Well, I’m AUSTRALIAN, and I was raised with–
Me: I’m Australian.
Her: (confused) But–
Me: I’m Australian.
Her: You sound like you’re from North America.
Me: I’m AUSTRALIAN, with an Australian passport.
Her: Okay, fine, you’re Australian. I just mean that I was raised here, and I was taught that certain behaviour is wrong.
Me: I was raised in the Bible belt, and I was taught to mind my own business.
She got me outraged all right, but not in the way she expected! I mean, I can think of lots of stuff I find more objectionable than PDA. Smokers. Public urination. Golf umbrellas. The existence of leggings with zips. Two consenting adults making out on the street is pretty low on my list of triggers.
18 responses
ROFL!!! Just as well it wasn’t two women or two men. She’d probably have died on the spot.
Does Australia not have their version of the klassy American state fair? You can’t swing a deep-fried cat at one of those without hitting a snaggle-toothed, mulleted couple fiddling with each others’ bits.
Oh, we’ve got Fairs (except we call ’em “Shows.”) But I don’t think it was the class of person that offended her. We’re talking Sydney CBD on a Wednesday morning, which usually means suits and people on their way to work.
Just gotta back you up on the ‘leggings with zips’ thing. Way, WAY more heinous than any publically canoodling couple could EVER be.
I LOVE “I was taught to mind my own business”… fabulous response.
I see your customer service is up to the usual “standard”.
Im more offended witht eh exposure of the 3 b’s than a canoodling couple gosh the bloke should have pinched her backside she may have enjoyed it. She should keep her thoughts to herself or someone might just rob her.
Just as long as you don’t knock Shoes with Zippers…
Lmao! I can’t believe she smacked his hand! That takes some nerve. Bet she’s a hoot at family gatherings.
Ah, Peter. My own personal troll. I figured you couldn’t resist this bait. (For someone who disagrees with me so much, you seem to be a real avid reader!)
I’m just trying to figure out exactly the nature of his “fiddling”. If he’s tall and she’s small, did he have ape-like arms? At least I don’t consider fingertips resting on a bum cheek to be fiddling. And I loved how you threw her with the “I’m Australian” comments.
Yeah, I left out the part where she went on a rant about all the little “Asian kids with huge backpacks” who won’t give up their seats for her on buses. I don’t by any means think that the majority of Australian are racist, but man, the ones who are are just so damn *casual* about it!
I did the following and felt much better…
Re-read the original dialogue, and replace the word “down” with the word “up”.
“I couldn’t believe it!”
No, not troll. Just keeping it real. Thankyou.
Oh Peter, if that’s your reality you can keep it. Lighten up, willya? It’s bad for your blood pressure to real blogs that annoy you.
Eh, I’m just going to ignore him, M-H. I can’t block his IP address without taking out all the other Optusnet customers in Australia. It’s not worth engaging someone who justifies being a jerk as somehow being honest or true to their personality.
OMG .. just .. died .. laughing … too good :o) Loved your response!!
Hehehe! that reminds me of the time i caught a train from green square, 2 young backpackers were on the train (boy and girl – obviously friends) and as we pulled out of Redfern for central, the two were jesting and play fighting (there was laughter) over some matter. When this woman flies out from nowhere and slaps the boy in the arm. And starts Yelling abuse at him and how he should treat women better! Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at the woman. She tries to defend herself by saying “Whats wrong! Don’t you have any manners?!” No response. Then she cried out “Leave me alone i just got fired!” and ran off the train.
Talk about weird!